The Vatican Tapes

Genre: Horror
Premise: Three priests fly to Poland to investigate a girl who’s supposedly possessed by the devil.
About: I reviewed one of Chris Borrelli's scripts, Wake, a month ago. This one, “The Vatican Tapes,” landed on last year's Black List. Picked up by Lionsgate, the film will be directed by James Marsh, who, as many know, was the director of the critically acclaimed documentary, “Man on Wire.” Marsh has been dying to make a feature film since his previous effort, 2005’s “The King,” starring Gael Garcia Bernal. Hmm, might they change Father Matt’s race and cast Garcia Bernal in the role?
Writer: Christopher Borrelli (story by Chris Morgan)
Details: 79 pages – 6/23/09 draft (This is an early draft of the script. The situations, characters, and plot may change significantly by the time the film is released. This is not a definitive statement about the project, but rather an analysis of this unique draft as it pertains to the craft of screenwriting).


Over the years I’ve developed an inability to completely give myself over to a movie. The reason is obvious. I’m always breaking down films while I watch them. When the hook comes, when the act turns come, if the obstacles are big enough, if the dialogue works. What can I say? It’s the screenwriter in me. But one movie I give into every time, one that always makes me forget I’m watching a film, is The Exorcist. The Exorcist is the scariest movie I’ve ever seen and I don’t think anything else comes close.

I don’t know why this is. I’m not a huge horror fan. And the devil doesn’t scare me any more than a guy in a purple dinosaur suit does. Actually, the guy in the dinosaur suit scares me more. But dammit if whoever played that little girl didn’t make me believe something was possessing her. I think the moment for me was when she urinated on the floor. That just broke like a 100 year movie code or something so that as soon as it happened, I didn’t think I was watching a movie any more.

Now I didn’t go see The Last Exorcism but I heard it was great save for a majorly fucked up ending. The Vatican Tapes, like that film, takes a documentary approach to the material. I know I know. We’re sick of seeing these cheesy gimmicky “lost footage” flicks and I was definitely worried when I saw that. But here’s the thing about The Vatican Tapes. It’s good enough where it doesn’t need the documentary angle. In fact, twenty pages in and I had completely forgotten about it. They should just go ahead and shoot this as a real movie because it totally works as one.

There are three protagonists in The Vatican Tapes: Father Antonio, an older Italian by-the-books priest, Father Matt, a young American priest still learning the ropes, and Father Karl, a 20-something Polish priest who has joined the two as a translator.

The God group is heading to Poland to potentially perform an exorcism. Now these days, the Vatican likes to document any potential possession case, which is why Matt and Karl have their camcorders. While Father Matt is excited by the prospect of his first exorcism, Father Antonio is less than enthused. He’s encountered hundreds of these supposed “possessions” before and none of them has ever panned out. This is likely one big waste of time.

The three descend upon a tiny poor Polish house in a rural neighborhood. When they get there, the father, a 300 pound man named Leslaw, is passed out on the floor with a four year old child playing nearby. Father Antonio angrily wakes him up and asks where the possessed girl is. He’s horrified as he watches the man point to the floor.

The group lifts a trap door and heads down into a makeshift dirt basement where a dirty emaciated 16 year old girl has been chained to the wall. Horrified, Antonio immediately orders for them to unlock her. They bring the girl up to her room and start asking her questions. But she’s noticeably distant. Antonio concludes that this girl is very sick, but far from possessed.

That is until the girl slips out, goes back into the basement, and starts digging a hole in the ground. Not common practice for any 16 year olds I know. Soonafter she attacks Antonio and the others with the strength of five men and when they learn that the girl and her friend were recently playing around in the nearby catacombs, Antonio begins to believe that maybe, just maybe, this *is* a real possession.

They begin the exorcism but apparently exorcisms aren’t like Harry Potter spells. You don’t just say them and voila, out pops a bunny. It’s a constant process that involves continual “exorcising” of the subject and despite everything they’re doing, it doesn’t seem like she’s getting any better. Actually, she may be getting worse. The others start to wonder if they should just shoot her and get it over with. But Antonio insists that somewhere deep inside that body is an innocent 16 year old girl desperate for their help. He will stop at nothing to save that girl.

There was lots of good stuff here. I loved how they were stuck in a place where they didn't know the language. The reason I don’t think the remake of “Let The Right One In” will work is because a lot of the power of the original comes from the characters speaking in a language you don’t understand. It almost makes their situation seem otherworldly, and that adds a layer of originality you can’t replicate. The girl here never says anything we understand, and that creeped me the hell out.

Likewise, being stuck a million miles away from familiarity adds an additional layer of fear. Like the famous tagline “In space, no one can hear you scream,” “In Poland, no one can hear you scream.” In fact, one of my favorite lines in the script comes when they realize that this girl is possessed. Father Matt is terrified and utters, “We’re going to need help, right?” Antonio looks back at him. “We are the help.” It’s that moment when people realize they’re in a situation that’s way over their heads, and yet *they’re* the best equipped people to handle it.

There’s also a handful of shocking moments here. Antonio has a secret that comes out of nowhere and really worked for me. There’s a scene involving the child that’s so horrifying some people won’t be able to read it. And I loved the whole subplot involving the catacombs (I actually thought he could’ve done a little more with it).

There weren’t any glaring issues to be honest. I guess Father Antonio and Father Karl each had such interesting storylines and backstories that Father Matt gets lost in the mix. He needed something extra so we remembered him. He definitely pops the least.

The biggest misstep for The Vatican Tapes lies in the ending. It’s another one of those chaos over clarity scenarios, which is a shame, because this was so tightly written and so well built up, we wanted some clarity. I’m still not sure exactly what happened so I can’t discuss it but, in short, I was mildly disappointed.

But in the end this was so quick and so enjoyable, I’m recommending it to you. So get your hands on a copy and enjoy.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[xx] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Exorcism movies are great low-budget films for you to write and shoot yourselves. I mean you could shoot this movie for 20 grand if you had to. My only suggestion is your possessed victim not be a young women. The Vatican Tapes may be able to slide in there as the last one. But let's face it, we’ve seen it so many times that you can’t execute the idea in an original way anymore. The good news is, this is a fairly untapped genre. You have a lot of storylines you could explore outside of “girl gets possessed.”

The Vatican Tapes

Genre: Horror
Premise: Three priests fly to Poland to investigate a girl who’s supposedly possessed by the devil.
About: I reviewed one of Chris Borrelli's scripts, Wake, a month ago. This one, “The Vatican Tapes,” landed on last year's Black List. Picked up by Lionsgate, the film will be directed by James Marsh, who, as many know, was the director of the critically acclaimed documentary, “Man on Wire.” Marsh has been dying to make a feature film since his previous effort, 2005’s “The King,” starring Gael Garcia Bernal. Hmm, might they change Father Matt’s race and cast Garcia Bernal in the role?
Writer: Christopher Borrelli (story by Chris Morgan)
Details: 79 pages – 6/23/09 draft (This is an early draft of the script. The situations, characters, and plot may change significantly by the time the film is released. This is not a definitive statement about the project, but rather an analysis of this unique draft as it pertains to the craft of screenwriting).


Over the years I’ve developed an inability to completely give myself over to a movie. The reason is obvious. I’m always breaking down films while I watch them. When the hook comes, when the act turns come, if the obstacles are big enough, if the dialogue works. What can I say? It’s the screenwriter in me. But one movie I give into every time, one that always makes me forget I’m watching a film, is The Exorcist. The Exorcist is the scariest movie I’ve ever seen and I don’t think anything else comes close.

I don’t know why this is. I’m not a huge horror fan. And the devil doesn’t scare me any more than a guy in a purple dinosaur suit does. Actually, the guy in the dinosaur suit scares me more. But dammit if whoever played that little girl didn’t make me believe something was possessing her. I think the moment for me was when she urinated on the floor. That just broke like a 100 year movie code or something so that as soon as it happened, I didn’t think I was watching a movie any more.

Now I didn’t go see The Last Exorcism but I heard it was great save for a majorly fucked up ending. The Vatican Tapes, like that film, takes a documentary approach to the material. I know I know. We’re sick of seeing these cheesy gimmicky “lost footage” flicks and I was definitely worried when I saw that. But here’s the thing about The Vatican Tapes. It’s good enough where it doesn’t need the documentary angle. In fact, twenty pages in and I had completely forgotten about it. They should just go ahead and shoot this as a real movie because it totally works as one.

There are three protagonists in The Vatican Tapes: Father Antonio, an older Italian by-the-books priest, Father Matt, a young American priest still learning the ropes, and Father Karl, a 20-something Polish priest who has joined the two as a translator.

The God group is heading to Poland to potentially perform an exorcism. Now these days, the Vatican likes to document any potential possession case, which is why Matt and Karl have their camcorders. While Father Matt is excited by the prospect of his first exorcism, Father Antonio is less than enthused. He’s encountered hundreds of these supposed “possessions” before and none of them has ever panned out. This is likely one big waste of time.

The three descend upon a tiny poor Polish house in a rural neighborhood. When they get there, the father, a 300 pound man named Leslaw, is passed out on the floor with a four year old child playing nearby. Father Antonio angrily wakes him up and asks where the possessed girl is. He’s horrified as he watches the man point to the floor.

The group lifts a trap door and heads down into a makeshift dirt basement where a dirty emaciated 16 year old girl has been chained to the wall. Horrified, Antonio immediately orders for them to unlock her. They bring the girl up to her room and start asking her questions. But she’s noticeably distant. Antonio concludes that this girl is very sick, but far from possessed.

That is until the girl slips out, goes back into the basement, and starts digging a hole in the ground. Not common practice for any 16 year olds I know. Soonafter she attacks Antonio and the others with the strength of five men and when they learn that the girl and her friend were recently playing around in the nearby catacombs, Antonio begins to believe that maybe, just maybe, this *is* a real possession.

They begin the exorcism but apparently exorcisms aren’t like Harry Potter spells. You don’t just say them and voila, out pops a bunny. It’s a constant process that involves continual “exorcising” of the subject and despite everything they’re doing, it doesn’t seem like she’s getting any better. Actually, she may be getting worse. The others start to wonder if they should just shoot her and get it over with. But Antonio insists that somewhere deep inside that body is an innocent 16 year old girl desperate for their help. He will stop at nothing to save that girl.

There was lots of good stuff here. I loved how they were stuck in a place where they didn't know the language. The reason I don’t think the remake of “Let The Right One In” will work is because a lot of the power of the original comes from the characters speaking in a language you don’t understand. It almost makes their situation seem otherworldly, and that adds a layer of originality you can’t replicate. The girl here never says anything we understand, and that creeped me the hell out.

Likewise, being stuck a million miles away from familiarity adds an additional layer of fear. Like the famous tagline “In space, no one can hear you scream,” “In Poland, no one can hear you scream.” In fact, one of my favorite lines in the script comes when they realize that this girl is possessed. Father Matt is terrified and utters, “We’re going to need help, right?” Antonio looks back at him. “We are the help.” It’s that moment when people realize they’re in a situation that’s way over their heads, and yet *they’re* the best equipped people to handle it.

There’s also a handful of shocking moments here. Antonio has a secret that comes out of nowhere and really worked for me. There’s a scene involving the child that’s so horrifying some people won’t be able to read it. And I loved the whole subplot involving the catacombs (I actually thought he could’ve done a little more with it).

There weren’t any glaring issues to be honest. I guess Father Antonio and Father Karl each had such interesting storylines and backstories that Father Matt gets lost in the mix. He needed something extra so we remembered him. He definitely pops the least.

The biggest misstep for The Vatican Tapes lies in the ending. It’s another one of those chaos over clarity scenarios, which is a shame, because this was so tightly written and so well built up, we wanted some clarity. I’m still not sure exactly what happened so I can’t discuss it but, in short, I was mildly disappointed.

But in the end this was so quick and so enjoyable, I’m recommending it to you. So get your hands on a copy and enjoy.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[xx] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Exorcism movies are great low-budget films for you to write and shoot yourselves. I mean you could shoot this movie for 20 grand if you had to. My only suggestion is your possessed victim not be a young women. The Vatican Tapes may be able to slide in there as the last one. But let's face it, we’ve seen it so many times that you can’t execute the idea in an original way anymore. The good news is, this is a fairly untapped genre. You have a lot of storylines you could explore outside of “girl gets possessed.”

The Vatican Tapes

Genre: Horror
Premise: Three priests fly to Poland to investigate a girl who’s supposedly possessed by the devil.
About: I reviewed one of Chris Borrelli's scripts, Wake, a month ago. This one, “The Vatican Tapes,” landed on last year's Black List. Picked up by Lionsgate, the film will be directed by James Marsh, who, as many know, was the director of the critically acclaimed documentary, “Man on Wire.” Marsh has been dying to make a feature film since his previous effort, 2005’s “The King,” starring Gael Garcia Bernal. Hmm, might they change Father Matt’s race and cast Garcia Bernal in the role?
Writer: Christopher Borrelli (story by Chris Morgan)
Details: 79 pages – 6/23/09 draft (This is an early draft of the script. The situations, characters, and plot may change significantly by the time the film is released. This is not a definitive statement about the project, but rather an analysis of this unique draft as it pertains to the craft of screenwriting).


Over the years I’ve developed an inability to completely give myself over to a movie. The reason is obvious. I’m always breaking down films while I watch them. When the hook comes, when the act turns come, if the obstacles are big enough, if the dialogue works. What can I say? It’s the screenwriter in me. But one movie I give into every time, one that always makes me forget I’m watching a film, is The Exorcist. The Exorcist is the scariest movie I’ve ever seen and I don’t think anything else comes close.

I don’t know why this is. I’m not a huge horror fan. And the devil doesn’t scare me any more than a guy in a purple dinosaur suit does. Actually, the guy in the dinosaur suit scares me more. But dammit if whoever played that little girl didn’t make me believe something was possessing her. I think the moment for me was when she urinated on the floor. That just broke like a 100 year movie code or something so that as soon as it happened, I didn’t think I was watching a movie any more.

Now I didn’t go see The Last Exorcism but I heard it was great save for a majorly fucked up ending. The Vatican Tapes, like that film, takes a documentary approach to the material. I know I know. We’re sick of seeing these cheesy gimmicky “lost footage” flicks and I was definitely worried when I saw that. But here’s the thing about The Vatican Tapes. It’s good enough where it doesn’t need the documentary angle. In fact, twenty pages in and I had completely forgotten about it. They should just go ahead and shoot this as a real movie because it totally works as one.

There are three protagonists in The Vatican Tapes: Father Antonio, an older Italian by-the-books priest, Father Matt, a young American priest still learning the ropes, and Father Karl, a 20-something Polish priest who has joined the two as a translator.

The God group is heading to Poland to potentially perform an exorcism. Now these days, the Vatican likes to document any potential possession case, which is why Matt and Karl have their camcorders. While Father Matt is excited by the prospect of his first exorcism, Father Antonio is less than enthused. He’s encountered hundreds of these supposed “possessions” before and none of them has ever panned out. This is likely one big waste of time.

The three descend upon a tiny poor Polish house in a rural neighborhood. When they get there, the father, a 300 pound man named Leslaw, is passed out on the floor with a four year old child playing nearby. Father Antonio angrily wakes him up and asks where the possessed girl is. He’s horrified as he watches the man point to the floor.

The group lifts a trap door and heads down into a makeshift dirt basement where a dirty emaciated 16 year old girl has been chained to the wall. Horrified, Antonio immediately orders for them to unlock her. They bring the girl up to her room and start asking her questions. But she’s noticeably distant. Antonio concludes that this girl is very sick, but far from possessed.

That is until the girl slips out, goes back into the basement, and starts digging a hole in the ground. Not common practice for any 16 year olds I know. Soonafter she attacks Antonio and the others with the strength of five men and when they learn that the girl and her friend were recently playing around in the nearby catacombs, Antonio begins to believe that maybe, just maybe, this *is* a real possession.

They begin the exorcism but apparently exorcisms aren’t like Harry Potter spells. You don’t just say them and voila, out pops a bunny. It’s a constant process that involves continual “exorcising” of the subject and despite everything they’re doing, it doesn’t seem like she’s getting any better. Actually, she may be getting worse. The others start to wonder if they should just shoot her and get it over with. But Antonio insists that somewhere deep inside that body is an innocent 16 year old girl desperate for their help. He will stop at nothing to save that girl.

There was lots of good stuff here. I loved how they were stuck in a place where they didn't know the language. The reason I don’t think the remake of “Let The Right One In” will work is because a lot of the power of the original comes from the characters speaking in a language you don’t understand. It almost makes their situation seem otherworldly, and that adds a layer of originality you can’t replicate. The girl here never says anything we understand, and that creeped me the hell out.

Likewise, being stuck a million miles away from familiarity adds an additional layer of fear. Like the famous tagline “In space, no one can hear you scream,” “In Poland, no one can hear you scream.” In fact, one of my favorite lines in the script comes when they realize that this girl is possessed. Father Matt is terrified and utters, “We’re going to need help, right?” Antonio looks back at him. “We are the help.” It’s that moment when people realize they’re in a situation that’s way over their heads, and yet *they’re* the best equipped people to handle it.

There’s also a handful of shocking moments here. Antonio has a secret that comes out of nowhere and really worked for me. There’s a scene involving the child that’s so horrifying some people won’t be able to read it. And I loved the whole subplot involving the catacombs (I actually thought he could’ve done a little more with it).

There weren’t any glaring issues to be honest. I guess Father Antonio and Father Karl each had such interesting storylines and backstories that Father Matt gets lost in the mix. He needed something extra so we remembered him. He definitely pops the least.

The biggest misstep for The Vatican Tapes lies in the ending. It’s another one of those chaos over clarity scenarios, which is a shame, because this was so tightly written and so well built up, we wanted some clarity. I’m still not sure exactly what happened so I can’t discuss it but, in short, I was mildly disappointed.

But in the end this was so quick and so enjoyable, I’m recommending it to you. So get your hands on a copy and enjoy.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[xx] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Exorcism movies are great low-budget films for you to write and shoot yourselves. I mean you could shoot this movie for 20 grand if you had to. My only suggestion is your possessed victim not be a young women. The Vatican Tapes may be able to slide in there as the last one. But let's face it, we’ve seen it so many times that you can’t execute the idea in an original way anymore. The good news is, this is a fairly untapped genre. You have a lot of storylines you could explore outside of “girl gets possessed.”

The Vatican Tapes

Genre: Horror
Premise: Three priests fly to Poland to investigate a girl who’s supposedly possessed by the devil.
About: I reviewed one of Chris Borrelli's scripts, Wake, a month ago. This one, “The Vatican Tapes,” landed on last year's Black List. Picked up by Lionsgate, the film will be directed by James Marsh, who, as many know, was the director of the critically acclaimed documentary, “Man on Wire.” Marsh has been dying to make a feature film since his previous effort, 2005’s “The King,” starring Gael Garcia Bernal. Hmm, might they change Father Matt’s race and cast Garcia Bernal in the role?
Writer: Christopher Borrelli (story by Chris Morgan)
Details: 79 pages – 6/23/09 draft (This is an early draft of the script. The situations, characters, and plot may change significantly by the time the film is released. This is not a definitive statement about the project, but rather an analysis of this unique draft as it pertains to the craft of screenwriting).


Over the years I’ve developed an inability to completely give myself over to a movie. The reason is obvious. I’m always breaking down films while I watch them. When the hook comes, when the act turns come, if the obstacles are big enough, if the dialogue works. What can I say? It’s the screenwriter in me. But one movie I give into every time, one that always makes me forget I’m watching a film, is The Exorcist. The Exorcist is the scariest movie I’ve ever seen and I don’t think anything else comes close.

I don’t know why this is. I’m not a huge horror fan. And the devil doesn’t scare me any more than a guy in a purple dinosaur suit does. Actually, the guy in the dinosaur suit scares me more. But dammit if whoever played that little girl didn’t make me believe something was possessing her. I think the moment for me was when she urinated on the floor. That just broke like a 100 year movie code or something so that as soon as it happened, I didn’t think I was watching a movie any more.

Now I didn’t go see The Last Exorcism but I heard it was great save for a majorly fucked up ending. The Vatican Tapes, like that film, takes a documentary approach to the material. I know I know. We’re sick of seeing these cheesy gimmicky “lost footage” flicks and I was definitely worried when I saw that. But here’s the thing about The Vatican Tapes. It’s good enough where it doesn’t need the documentary angle. In fact, twenty pages in and I had completely forgotten about it. They should just go ahead and shoot this as a real movie because it totally works as one.

There are three protagonists in The Vatican Tapes: Father Antonio, an older Italian by-the-books priest, Father Matt, a young American priest still learning the ropes, and Father Karl, a 20-something Polish priest who has joined the two as a translator.

The God group is heading to Poland to potentially perform an exorcism. Now these days, the Vatican likes to document any potential possession case, which is why Matt and Karl have their camcorders. While Father Matt is excited by the prospect of his first exorcism, Father Antonio is less than enthused. He’s encountered hundreds of these supposed “possessions” before and none of them has ever panned out. This is likely one big waste of time.

The three descend upon a tiny poor Polish house in a rural neighborhood. When they get there, the father, a 300 pound man named Leslaw, is passed out on the floor with a four year old child playing nearby. Father Antonio angrily wakes him up and asks where the possessed girl is. He’s horrified as he watches the man point to the floor.

The group lifts a trap door and heads down into a makeshift dirt basement where a dirty emaciated 16 year old girl has been chained to the wall. Horrified, Antonio immediately orders for them to unlock her. They bring the girl up to her room and start asking her questions. But she’s noticeably distant. Antonio concludes that this girl is very sick, but far from possessed.

That is until the girl slips out, goes back into the basement, and starts digging a hole in the ground. Not common practice for any 16 year olds I know. Soonafter she attacks Antonio and the others with the strength of five men and when they learn that the girl and her friend were recently playing around in the nearby catacombs, Antonio begins to believe that maybe, just maybe, this *is* a real possession.

They begin the exorcism but apparently exorcisms aren’t like Harry Potter spells. You don’t just say them and voila, out pops a bunny. It’s a constant process that involves continual “exorcising” of the subject and despite everything they’re doing, it doesn’t seem like she’s getting any better. Actually, she may be getting worse. The others start to wonder if they should just shoot her and get it over with. But Antonio insists that somewhere deep inside that body is an innocent 16 year old girl desperate for their help. He will stop at nothing to save that girl.

There was lots of good stuff here. I loved how they were stuck in a place where they didn't know the language. The reason I don’t think the remake of “Let The Right One In” will work is because a lot of the power of the original comes from the characters speaking in a language you don’t understand. It almost makes their situation seem otherworldly, and that adds a layer of originality you can’t replicate. The girl here never says anything we understand, and that creeped me the hell out.

Likewise, being stuck a million miles away from familiarity adds an additional layer of fear. Like the famous tagline “In space, no one can hear you scream,” “In Poland, no one can hear you scream.” In fact, one of my favorite lines in the script comes when they realize that this girl is possessed. Father Matt is terrified and utters, “We’re going to need help, right?” Antonio looks back at him. “We are the help.” It’s that moment when people realize they’re in a situation that’s way over their heads, and yet *they’re* the best equipped people to handle it.

There’s also a handful of shocking moments here. Antonio has a secret that comes out of nowhere and really worked for me. There’s a scene involving the child that’s so horrifying some people won’t be able to read it. And I loved the whole subplot involving the catacombs (I actually thought he could’ve done a little more with it).

There weren’t any glaring issues to be honest. I guess Father Antonio and Father Karl each had such interesting storylines and backstories that Father Matt gets lost in the mix. He needed something extra so we remembered him. He definitely pops the least.

The biggest misstep for The Vatican Tapes lies in the ending. It’s another one of those chaos over clarity scenarios, which is a shame, because this was so tightly written and so well built up, we wanted some clarity. I’m still not sure exactly what happened so I can’t discuss it but, in short, I was mildly disappointed.

But in the end this was so quick and so enjoyable, I’m recommending it to you. So get your hands on a copy and enjoy.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[xx] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Exorcism movies are great low-budget films for you to write and shoot yourselves. I mean you could shoot this movie for 20 grand if you had to. My only suggestion is your possessed victim not be a young women. The Vatican Tapes may be able to slide in there as the last one. But let's face it, we’ve seen it so many times that you can’t execute the idea in an original way anymore. The good news is, this is a fairly untapped genre. You have a lot of storylines you could explore outside of “girl gets possessed.”

Tuesday Talkback: Collaborative writing project

I got a recent request to update everyone on the Collaborative Writing Project. There aren't too many details, but I'll oblige.

Right now I have three teams going, with each person advancing the story ten pages from where it is when they get it. My original goal was only to put eight people on each team, as once you add in my original ten pages, that would put the script's length at 90 pages. However, I had so many people interested, I decided on 9-person teams, which would give us some leeway in the event anyone dropped out.

As it turned out, that was smart. One of the teams had a person drop out due to unforeseen circumstances. Unfortunately this didn't happen until their deadline, so they fell a week behind the other two teams. This same team experienced another delay when one participant's server problems resulted in a several-day delay in delivering the pages.

At the moment, one team has 50 pages completed, one team has 60 pages done and the third team has 30 pages done. I also have four alternates standing by in the event that any of the teams drop below eight members.

At this point it's been very interesting to see how my early threads have been taken in completely different directions by the subsequent writers. When the project is done, I'll write up a post going page-by-page through my contribution and explain my thinking for the plot strands I was setting up. My goal was to open a lot of doors for people as well as imply connections between seemingly unrelated threads. That ambiguity has given the writers a lot of room to play.

As we're more or less at the midpoint, it's time to start thinking about what to do with these three scripts once they're done. I need a way to make them available for download, so that any interested parties can read and contrast them.

Also, what would make the best use of these as they relate to screenwriting lessons? I thought about trying to stimulate discussion here, but it also occurs to me that it might be a good idea to see if anyone over at the GITS Club was interested in any discussion on the three VERY different scripts that are resulting from the same initial ten pages.

There's also a very wicked side of me that is considering putting one or more of these up on Triggerstreet just to see what sort of reviews we'd get.

So sound off - what do you think we should do with these scripts once they're done?

Tuesday Talkback: Collaborative writing project

I got a recent request to update everyone on the Collaborative Writing Project. There aren't too many details, but I'll oblige.

Right now I have three teams going, with each person advancing the story ten pages from where it is when they get it. My original goal was only to put eight people on each team, as once you add in my original ten pages, that would put the script's length at 90 pages. However, I had so many people interested, I decided on 9-person teams, which would give us some leeway in the event anyone dropped out.

As it turned out, that was smart. One of the teams had a person drop out due to unforeseen circumstances. Unfortunately this didn't happen until their deadline, so they fell a week behind the other two teams. This same team experienced another delay when one participant's server problems resulted in a several-day delay in delivering the pages.

At the moment, one team has 50 pages completed, one team has 60 pages done and the third team has 30 pages done. I also have four alternates standing by in the event that any of the teams drop below eight members.

At this point it's been very interesting to see how my early threads have been taken in completely different directions by the subsequent writers. When the project is done, I'll write up a post going page-by-page through my contribution and explain my thinking for the plot strands I was setting up. My goal was to open a lot of doors for people as well as imply connections between seemingly unrelated threads. That ambiguity has given the writers a lot of room to play.

As we're more or less at the midpoint, it's time to start thinking about what to do with these three scripts once they're done. I need a way to make them available for download, so that any interested parties can read and contrast them.

Also, what would make the best use of these as they relate to screenwriting lessons? I thought about trying to stimulate discussion here, but it also occurs to me that it might be a good idea to see if anyone over at the GITS Club was interested in any discussion on the three VERY different scripts that are resulting from the same initial ten pages.

There's also a very wicked side of me that is considering putting one or more of these up on Triggerstreet just to see what sort of reviews we'd get.

So sound off - what do you think we should do with these scripts once they're done?

Owen's Manual

Genre: Comedy
Premise: A mild-mannered IT guy receives an 'owners manual' that tells him how to fix his life.
About: Made last year’s Black List with 5 votes. Very quietly the heavy-duty comedy producing team of Will Ferrell, Chris Henchy, and Adam McKay are attached. Might this be a future Will Ferrell vehicle?
Writer: Greg Ferkel
Details: 108 pages - undated (This is an early draft of the script. The situations, characters, and plot may change significantly by the time the film is released. This is not a definitive statement about the project, but rather an analysis of this unique draft as it pertains to the craft of screenwriting).

A possible candidate to play Owen?

I must admit I like these kinds of comedies - one step removed from reality, somewhat fantastical, an intriguing hook. Yet I also know that a lot of you hate them. And so I’ll just tell you right now, if you don’t like high concept comedies, there’s no use in continuing with this review. You’re going to hate Owen’s Manual with a passion. But if you like them, you’ll be happy to know that Owen’s Manual is a nice little entry into the genre.

So why do writers favor struggling average-looking heroes who’ve let themselves go, have no direction, and can’t get a girl to save their behinds? Because that character is the average screenwriter! I mean not all screenwriters of course, but a lot of them. And since those are the people writing your stories, you’re damn skippy they’re going to use those stories as wish-fulfillment. Translation: Seth Rogan and Michael Cera aren’t going anywhere!

To that end, Owen is no different. He’s a schlubby IT guy who works at a magazine called “Hip Parent,” where he’s perfected the art of getting stepped on. Owen gave up his life a long time ago to play the role of lewwwwwssserrrr.

Then one night, Owen catches an infomercial promoting one of those gyrating weight-loss belts. Figuring “what the hell,” he grabs the phone and orders one. A couple days later a UPS box shows up except there’s no gyrating inside. Just a manual. But this isn't any ordinary manual. It's a “how-to” guide for fixing Owen’s life. The table of contents reads like it’s been sitting on his shoulder for the last five years. “How to get your boss off your back” “How to get that girl at work,” “How to make sure nobody takes advantage of you anymore.”

Owen dismisses it as a practical joke, but when his boss calls to have Owen, once again, fix his laptop, Owen, out of curiosity, follows the instructions in the manual. The exchange reveals that the boss’s 10 year-old son has been surfing porn (hence why it’s had so many problems), which he happens to be fixing just as his wife walks by, which results in his wife believing he’s a porn addict, which results in the boss taking an extended leave of absence from work.

Freaked out, Owen calls the help number on the manual and gets in touch with the smooth-talking Rajeesh, a call tech for these life manuals. Owen asks him all the obvious questions and Rajeesh assures him that if he just follows the manual, all his problems will be solved.

Owen’s suspect at first but eventually starts following the manual religiously. He takes Cara out. He stops allowing others to step on him. He becomes nicer and more accepting of people. Sure enough, his troubles begin to dissolve away.

In the meantime, Owen gets a call from his old girlfriend, Hayden, who’s drop dead gorgeous and since their time together in college has won the Nobel Peace Prize. She’s getting married in a couple of weeks and because Owen knew her before the fame, she wants him to give the toast at her wedding. There’s a part of Owen who’s, of course, still in love with Hayden, which complicates his evolving relationship with Car.

The problem is that Owen starts getting too dependent on the manual, and when he realizes that the manual only solves problems up to the date of its publication, that means he’ll have to solve any new problems by himself. Because Owen’s become so dependent on the manual, he doesn’t know how to figure things out anymore. And we’re left to wonder if he’ll be able to figure it all out in time for the big wedding toast.

Owen’s Manual is both funny and clever, especially the first half of the script, which really moves. I love this concept because I think we all wish we had an owner’s manual to our lives. If the answers were written down in an instruction booklet that we kept on our ipods, everything would be a lot easier. So to watch that fantasy play out and the complications that arise from it was fun.

But this script is not without problems, starting with Cara (the hot girl at work). Cara is our female lead, and I never trusted her. We meet her as she takes advantage of Owen, slyly convincing him to write her article for her. I always say watch how you introduce your character because that first impression is what's going to stick with the audience the strongest. If you have a character taking advantage of our hero in her very first scene, are we going to like that character?

The script also dips into dangerous territory by making its protagonist passive. A passive protagonist isn’t a death sentence, but when your hero isn’t dictating the action in the film, it’s usually a lot slower than when a protagonist *is* dictating the action. To the script’s credit, the reasoning for Owen’s passiveness is directly linked to the concept (he has to *follow* a manual), so it didn’t hurt the screenplay too much.

Probably the biggest misstep though was the Hayden storyline. Our hero’s being lured to this wedding for a character we haven’t met, don’t know and don’t care about. It never felt organic and as a result, we’re physically watching the strings being pulled as they’re being pulled. If you look at a very similar story, Office Space, and imagine Peter Gibbons getting a call from his fiancé in Hawaii and flying out there for the third act, it just feels all wrong. And that’s how it felt here.

I think the reason for this straying had something to do with the lack of a clear theme. I couldn’t figure out what the script was trying to say. Was it saying you need to make your own decisions? That you can’t depend on others? For awhile, yes. But then in the end, all of that is completely abandoned in order the hash out the complexities of the Hayden marriage storyline, leaving me with a big question mark on my face. Uh…okay? What was the whole point of that again?

Those types of things make this feel like an early draft, which it very well might be. But in spite of these issues, I enjoyed it enough to recommend it. If you’re a high-concept comedy guy like myself, you’ll want to check this out, for both the good and the bad.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Sometimes storylines weren’t meant to come together. If you’re flexing every single writing muscle you have to force two storylines together in a finale - if each word is dripping with sweat from the Herculean effort you’re making to somehow combine these two worlds, maybe it’s time to admit that those storylines can't coexist. That’s the case here with Owen’s Manual. The Hayden stuff just never gels with the story, which is why the third act derails. Never be afraid to cut out that storyline that isn’t working.

Owen's Manual

Genre: Comedy
Premise: A mild-mannered IT guy receives an 'owners manual' that tells him how to fix his life.
About: Made last year’s Black List with 5 votes. Very quietly the heavy-duty comedy producing team of Will Ferrell, Chris Henchy, and Adam McKay are attached. Might this be a future Will Ferrell vehicle?
Writer: Greg Ferkel
Details: 108 pages - undated (This is an early draft of the script. The situations, characters, and plot may change significantly by the time the film is released. This is not a definitive statement about the project, but rather an analysis of this unique draft as it pertains to the craft of screenwriting).

A possible candidate to play Owen?

I must admit I like these kinds of comedies - one step removed from reality, somewhat fantastical, an intriguing hook. Yet I also know that a lot of you hate them. And so I’ll just tell you right now, if you don’t like high concept comedies, there’s no use in continuing with this review. You’re going to hate Owen’s Manual with a passion. But if you like them, you’ll be happy to know that Owen’s Manual is a nice little entry into the genre.

So why do writers favor struggling average-looking heroes who’ve let themselves go, have no direction, and can’t get a girl to save their behinds? Because that character is the average screenwriter! I mean not all screenwriters of course, but a lot of them. And since those are the people writing your stories, you’re damn skippy they’re going to use those stories as wish-fulfillment. Translation: Seth Rogan and Michael Cera aren’t going anywhere!

To that end, Owen is no different. He’s a schlubby IT guy who works at a magazine called “Hip Parent,” where he’s perfected the art of getting stepped on. Owen gave up his life a long time ago to play the role of lewwwwwssserrrr.

Then one night, Owen catches an infomercial promoting one of those gyrating weight-loss belts. Figuring “what the hell,” he grabs the phone and orders one. A couple days later a UPS box shows up except there’s no gyrating inside. Just a manual. But this isn't any ordinary manual. It's a “how-to” guide for fixing Owen’s life. The table of contents reads like it’s been sitting on his shoulder for the last five years. “How to get your boss off your back” “How to get that girl at work,” “How to make sure nobody takes advantage of you anymore.”

Owen dismisses it as a practical joke, but when his boss calls to have Owen, once again, fix his laptop, Owen, out of curiosity, follows the instructions in the manual. The exchange reveals that the boss’s 10 year-old son has been surfing porn (hence why it’s had so many problems), which he happens to be fixing just as his wife walks by, which results in his wife believing he’s a porn addict, which results in the boss taking an extended leave of absence from work.

Freaked out, Owen calls the help number on the manual and gets in touch with the smooth-talking Rajeesh, a call tech for these life manuals. Owen asks him all the obvious questions and Rajeesh assures him that if he just follows the manual, all his problems will be solved.

Owen’s suspect at first but eventually starts following the manual religiously. He takes Cara out. He stops allowing others to step on him. He becomes nicer and more accepting of people. Sure enough, his troubles begin to dissolve away.

In the meantime, Owen gets a call from his old girlfriend, Hayden, who’s drop dead gorgeous and since their time together in college has won the Nobel Peace Prize. She’s getting married in a couple of weeks and because Owen knew her before the fame, she wants him to give the toast at her wedding. There’s a part of Owen who’s, of course, still in love with Hayden, which complicates his evolving relationship with Car.

The problem is that Owen starts getting too dependent on the manual, and when he realizes that the manual only solves problems up to the date of its publication, that means he’ll have to solve any new problems by himself. Because Owen’s become so dependent on the manual, he doesn’t know how to figure things out anymore. And we’re left to wonder if he’ll be able to figure it all out in time for the big wedding toast.

Owen’s Manual is both funny and clever, especially the first half of the script, which really moves. I love this concept because I think we all wish we had an owner’s manual to our lives. If the answers were written down in an instruction booklet that we kept on our ipods, everything would be a lot easier. So to watch that fantasy play out and the complications that arise from it was fun.

But this script is not without problems, starting with Cara (the hot girl at work). Cara is our female lead, and I never trusted her. We meet her as she takes advantage of Owen, slyly convincing him to write her article for her. I always say watch how you introduce your character because that first impression is what's going to stick with the audience the strongest. If you have a character taking advantage of our hero in her very first scene, are we going to like that character?

The script also dips into dangerous territory by making its protagonist passive. A passive protagonist isn’t a death sentence, but when your hero isn’t dictating the action in the film, it’s usually a lot slower than when a protagonist *is* dictating the action. To the script’s credit, the reasoning for Owen’s passiveness is directly linked to the concept (he has to *follow* a manual), so it didn’t hurt the screenplay too much.

Probably the biggest misstep though was the Hayden storyline. Our hero’s being lured to this wedding for a character we haven’t met, don’t know and don’t care about. It never felt organic and as a result, we’re physically watching the strings being pulled as they’re being pulled. If you look at a very similar story, Office Space, and imagine Peter Gibbons getting a call from his fiancé in Hawaii and flying out there for the third act, it just feels all wrong. And that’s how it felt here.

I think the reason for this straying had something to do with the lack of a clear theme. I couldn’t figure out what the script was trying to say. Was it saying you need to make your own decisions? That you can’t depend on others? For awhile, yes. But then in the end, all of that is completely abandoned in order the hash out the complexities of the Hayden marriage storyline, leaving me with a big question mark on my face. Uh…okay? What was the whole point of that again?

Those types of things make this feel like an early draft, which it very well might be. But in spite of these issues, I enjoyed it enough to recommend it. If you’re a high-concept comedy guy like myself, you’ll want to check this out, for both the good and the bad.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Sometimes storylines weren’t meant to come together. If you’re flexing every single writing muscle you have to force two storylines together in a finale - if each word is dripping with sweat from the Herculean effort you’re making to somehow combine these two worlds, maybe it’s time to admit that those storylines can't coexist. That’s the case here with Owen’s Manual. The Hayden stuff just never gels with the story, which is why the third act derails. Never be afraid to cut out that storyline that isn’t working.

Owen's Manual

Genre: Comedy
Premise: A mild-mannered IT guy receives an 'owners manual' that tells him how to fix his life.
About: Made last year’s Black List with 5 votes. Very quietly the heavy-duty comedy producing team of Will Ferrell, Chris Henchy, and Adam McKay are attached. Might this be a future Will Ferrell vehicle?
Writer: Greg Ferkel
Details: 108 pages - undated (This is an early draft of the script. The situations, characters, and plot may change significantly by the time the film is released. This is not a definitive statement about the project, but rather an analysis of this unique draft as it pertains to the craft of screenwriting).

A possible candidate to play Owen?

I must admit I like these kinds of comedies - one step removed from reality, somewhat fantastical, an intriguing hook. Yet I also know that a lot of you hate them. And so I’ll just tell you right now, if you don’t like high concept comedies, there’s no use in continuing with this review. You’re going to hate Owen’s Manual with a passion. But if you like them, you’ll be happy to know that Owen’s Manual is a nice little entry into the genre.

So why do writers favor struggling average-looking heroes who’ve let themselves go, have no direction, and can’t get a girl to save their behinds? Because that character is the average screenwriter! I mean not all screenwriters of course, but a lot of them. And since those are the people writing your stories, you’re damn skippy they’re going to use those stories as wish-fulfillment. Translation: Seth Rogan and Michael Cera aren’t going anywhere!

To that end, Owen is no different. He’s a schlubby IT guy who works at a magazine called “Hip Parent,” where he’s perfected the art of getting stepped on. Owen gave up his life a long time ago to play the role of lewwwwwssserrrr.

Then one night, Owen catches an infomercial promoting one of those gyrating weight-loss belts. Figuring “what the hell,” he grabs the phone and orders one. A couple days later a UPS box shows up except there’s no gyrating inside. Just a manual. But this isn't any ordinary manual. It's a “how-to” guide for fixing Owen’s life. The table of contents reads like it’s been sitting on his shoulder for the last five years. “How to get your boss off your back” “How to get that girl at work,” “How to make sure nobody takes advantage of you anymore.”

Owen dismisses it as a practical joke, but when his boss calls to have Owen, once again, fix his laptop, Owen, out of curiosity, follows the instructions in the manual. The exchange reveals that the boss’s 10 year-old son has been surfing porn (hence why it’s had so many problems), which he happens to be fixing just as his wife walks by, which results in his wife believing he’s a porn addict, which results in the boss taking an extended leave of absence from work.

Freaked out, Owen calls the help number on the manual and gets in touch with the smooth-talking Rajeesh, a call tech for these life manuals. Owen asks him all the obvious questions and Rajeesh assures him that if he just follows the manual, all his problems will be solved.

Owen’s suspect at first but eventually starts following the manual religiously. He takes Cara out. He stops allowing others to step on him. He becomes nicer and more accepting of people. Sure enough, his troubles begin to dissolve away.

In the meantime, Owen gets a call from his old girlfriend, Hayden, who’s drop dead gorgeous and since their time together in college has won the Nobel Peace Prize. She’s getting married in a couple of weeks and because Owen knew her before the fame, she wants him to give the toast at her wedding. There’s a part of Owen who’s, of course, still in love with Hayden, which complicates his evolving relationship with Car.

The problem is that Owen starts getting too dependent on the manual, and when he realizes that the manual only solves problems up to the date of its publication, that means he’ll have to solve any new problems by himself. Because Owen’s become so dependent on the manual, he doesn’t know how to figure things out anymore. And we’re left to wonder if he’ll be able to figure it all out in time for the big wedding toast.

Owen’s Manual is both funny and clever, especially the first half of the script, which really moves. I love this concept because I think we all wish we had an owner’s manual to our lives. If the answers were written down in an instruction booklet that we kept on our ipods, everything would be a lot easier. So to watch that fantasy play out and the complications that arise from it was fun.

But this script is not without problems, starting with Cara (the hot girl at work). Cara is our female lead, and I never trusted her. We meet her as she takes advantage of Owen, slyly convincing him to write her article for her. I always say watch how you introduce your character because that first impression is what's going to stick with the audience the strongest. If you have a character taking advantage of our hero in her very first scene, are we going to like that character?

The script also dips into dangerous territory by making its protagonist passive. A passive protagonist isn’t a death sentence, but when your hero isn’t dictating the action in the film, it’s usually a lot slower than when a protagonist *is* dictating the action. To the script’s credit, the reasoning for Owen’s passiveness is directly linked to the concept (he has to *follow* a manual), so it didn’t hurt the screenplay too much.

Probably the biggest misstep though was the Hayden storyline. Our hero’s being lured to this wedding for a character we haven’t met, don’t know and don’t care about. It never felt organic and as a result, we’re physically watching the strings being pulled as they’re being pulled. If you look at a very similar story, Office Space, and imagine Peter Gibbons getting a call from his fiancé in Hawaii and flying out there for the third act, it just feels all wrong. And that’s how it felt here.

I think the reason for this straying had something to do with the lack of a clear theme. I couldn’t figure out what the script was trying to say. Was it saying you need to make your own decisions? That you can’t depend on others? For awhile, yes. But then in the end, all of that is completely abandoned in order the hash out the complexities of the Hayden marriage storyline, leaving me with a big question mark on my face. Uh…okay? What was the whole point of that again?

Those types of things make this feel like an early draft, which it very well might be. But in spite of these issues, I enjoyed it enough to recommend it. If you’re a high-concept comedy guy like myself, you’ll want to check this out, for both the good and the bad.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Sometimes storylines weren’t meant to come together. If you’re flexing every single writing muscle you have to force two storylines together in a finale - if each word is dripping with sweat from the Herculean effort you’re making to somehow combine these two worlds, maybe it’s time to admit that those storylines can't coexist. That’s the case here with Owen’s Manual. The Hayden stuff just never gels with the story, which is why the third act derails. Never be afraid to cut out that storyline that isn’t working.

Owen's Manual

Genre: Comedy
Premise: A mild-mannered IT guy receives an 'owners manual' that tells him how to fix his life.
About: Made last year’s Black List with 5 votes. Very quietly the heavy-duty comedy producing team of Will Ferrell, Chris Henchy, and Adam McKay are attached. Might this be a future Will Ferrell vehicle?
Writer: Greg Ferkel
Details: 108 pages - undated (This is an early draft of the script. The situations, characters, and plot may change significantly by the time the film is released. This is not a definitive statement about the project, but rather an analysis of this unique draft as it pertains to the craft of screenwriting).

A possible candidate to play Owen?

I must admit I like these kinds of comedies - one step removed from reality, somewhat fantastical, an intriguing hook. Yet I also know that a lot of you hate them. And so I’ll just tell you right now, if you don’t like high concept comedies, there’s no use in continuing with this review. You’re going to hate Owen’s Manual with a passion. But if you like them, you’ll be happy to know that Owen’s Manual is a nice little entry into the genre.

So why do writers favor struggling average-looking heroes who’ve let themselves go, have no direction, and can’t get a girl to save their behinds? Because that character is the average screenwriter! I mean not all screenwriters of course, but a lot of them. And since those are the people writing your stories, you’re damn skippy they’re going to use those stories as wish-fulfillment. Translation: Seth Rogan and Michael Cera aren’t going anywhere!

To that end, Owen is no different. He’s a schlubby IT guy who works at a magazine called “Hip Parent,” where he’s perfected the art of getting stepped on. Owen gave up his life a long time ago to play the role of lewwwwwssserrrr.

Then one night, Owen catches an infomercial promoting one of those gyrating weight-loss belts. Figuring “what the hell,” he grabs the phone and orders one. A couple days later a UPS box shows up except there’s no gyrating inside. Just a manual. But this isn't any ordinary manual. It's a “how-to” guide for fixing Owen’s life. The table of contents reads like it’s been sitting on his shoulder for the last five years. “How to get your boss off your back” “How to get that girl at work,” “How to make sure nobody takes advantage of you anymore.”

Owen dismisses it as a practical joke, but when his boss calls to have Owen, once again, fix his laptop, Owen, out of curiosity, follows the instructions in the manual. The exchange reveals that the boss’s 10 year-old son has been surfing porn (hence why it’s had so many problems), which he happens to be fixing just as his wife walks by, which results in his wife believing he’s a porn addict, which results in the boss taking an extended leave of absence from work.

Freaked out, Owen calls the help number on the manual and gets in touch with the smooth-talking Rajeesh, a call tech for these life manuals. Owen asks him all the obvious questions and Rajeesh assures him that if he just follows the manual, all his problems will be solved.

Owen’s suspect at first but eventually starts following the manual religiously. He takes Cara out. He stops allowing others to step on him. He becomes nicer and more accepting of people. Sure enough, his troubles begin to dissolve away.

In the meantime, Owen gets a call from his old girlfriend, Hayden, who’s drop dead gorgeous and since their time together in college has won the Nobel Peace Prize. She’s getting married in a couple of weeks and because Owen knew her before the fame, she wants him to give the toast at her wedding. There’s a part of Owen who’s, of course, still in love with Hayden, which complicates his evolving relationship with Car.

The problem is that Owen starts getting too dependent on the manual, and when he realizes that the manual only solves problems up to the date of its publication, that means he’ll have to solve any new problems by himself. Because Owen’s become so dependent on the manual, he doesn’t know how to figure things out anymore. And we’re left to wonder if he’ll be able to figure it all out in time for the big wedding toast.

Owen’s Manual is both funny and clever, especially the first half of the script, which really moves. I love this concept because I think we all wish we had an owner’s manual to our lives. If the answers were written down in an instruction booklet that we kept on our ipods, everything would be a lot easier. So to watch that fantasy play out and the complications that arise from it was fun.

But this script is not without problems, starting with Cara (the hot girl at work). Cara is our female lead, and I never trusted her. We meet her as she takes advantage of Owen, slyly convincing him to write her article for her. I always say watch how you introduce your character because that first impression is what's going to stick with the audience the strongest. If you have a character taking advantage of our hero in her very first scene, are we going to like that character?

The script also dips into dangerous territory by making its protagonist passive. A passive protagonist isn’t a death sentence, but when your hero isn’t dictating the action in the film, it’s usually a lot slower than when a protagonist *is* dictating the action. To the script’s credit, the reasoning for Owen’s passiveness is directly linked to the concept (he has to *follow* a manual), so it didn’t hurt the screenplay too much.

Probably the biggest misstep though was the Hayden storyline. Our hero’s being lured to this wedding for a character we haven’t met, don’t know and don’t care about. It never felt organic and as a result, we’re physically watching the strings being pulled as they’re being pulled. If you look at a very similar story, Office Space, and imagine Peter Gibbons getting a call from his fiancé in Hawaii and flying out there for the third act, it just feels all wrong. And that’s how it felt here.

I think the reason for this straying had something to do with the lack of a clear theme. I couldn’t figure out what the script was trying to say. Was it saying you need to make your own decisions? That you can’t depend on others? For awhile, yes. But then in the end, all of that is completely abandoned in order the hash out the complexities of the Hayden marriage storyline, leaving me with a big question mark on my face. Uh…okay? What was the whole point of that again?

Those types of things make this feel like an early draft, which it very well might be. But in spite of these issues, I enjoyed it enough to recommend it. If you’re a high-concept comedy guy like myself, you’ll want to check this out, for both the good and the bad.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Sometimes storylines weren’t meant to come together. If you’re flexing every single writing muscle you have to force two storylines together in a finale - if each word is dripping with sweat from the Herculean effort you’re making to somehow combine these two worlds, maybe it’s time to admit that those storylines can't coexist. That’s the case here with Owen’s Manual. The Hayden stuff just never gels with the story, which is why the third act derails. Never be afraid to cut out that storyline that isn’t working.

"We see" - to use or not to use

Last week on Twitter, I expressed my incredulity that a Done Deal Pro thread on whether or not to use "we see" in your screenplay had grown to 8 pages in only about a day or so. I know in the past that both Scott Myers and I have been surprised at just how drawn out and contentious these arguments over formatting minutiae can become. It's almost as if people are more passionate about how they write than they are about writing good material, and that's just sad.

Naturally, this only provoked a dozen or so people to ask me on Twitter what I thought about the use of "we see."

As with a lot of these nuances, the answer tends to be "It's okay if you use it in moderation, preferably sparingly."

When I write, I try not to use it unless absolutely necessary. I know there are a few pros who took such exception to the "NEVER use this" advice that they actually counted how many times they used it in their writing and then noted that such usage surely didn't prohibit the script from being sold.

My feeling is that 90% of the time it's redundant. Your action descriptions are supposed to be all visual, so if you're writing it, the assumption is we're seeing it. After all, you don't write "We hear" before every line of dialogue, do we?

The one clear exception has already been pointed out somewhere in that thread - that "we see" is valuable when we're trying to limit what the audience sees and then replicate that limitation for the viewer. Someone noted that in an Indiana Jones script, there's a "we see" that introduces a character wearing a fedora and leather jacket, though he's only shown from behind. Obviously, the "we see" is used to offer that description and give the impression that the character is Indiana Jones when that is not in fact the case.

So it's definitely useful when limiting the information the reader has. I wouldn't dispute that at all.

However, as with capitalizing and underlining, this "rule" exists because there are always a healthy sampling of newbies who overindulge. I once read a script that started nearly every paragraph with "we see" and after a while it just got to be annoying. It was a pretty clear PASS. However, I hasten to add that the Pass wasn't because of the "we sees," just that the "we sees" were merely symptoms of this writer's lack of skill.

If all the dialogue in a script sucks, the answer is not "Never write dialogue," it's, "learn to write better dialogue." And if all the uses of "we see" in a script reach such an epidemic proportion that it becomes cluttered and annoying to follow, the answer is "learn to use the tool properly."

Just my take. Bring on the pitchforks!

"We see" - to use or not to use

Last week on Twitter, I expressed my incredulity that a Done Deal Pro thread on whether or not to use "we see" in your screenplay had grown to 8 pages in only about a day or so. I know in the past that both Scott Myers and I have been surprised at just how drawn out and contentious these arguments over formatting minutiae can become. It's almost as if people are more passionate about how they write than they are about writing good material, and that's just sad.

Naturally, this only provoked a dozen or so people to ask me on Twitter what I thought about the use of "we see."

As with a lot of these nuances, the answer tends to be "It's okay if you use it in moderation, preferably sparingly."

When I write, I try not to use it unless absolutely necessary. I know there are a few pros who took such exception to the "NEVER use this" advice that they actually counted how many times they used it in their writing and then noted that such usage surely didn't prohibit the script from being sold.

My feeling is that 90% of the time it's redundant. Your action descriptions are supposed to be all visual, so if you're writing it, the assumption is we're seeing it. After all, you don't write "We hear" before every line of dialogue, do we?

The one clear exception has already been pointed out somewhere in that thread - that "we see" is valuable when we're trying to limit what the audience sees and then replicate that limitation for the viewer. Someone noted that in an Indiana Jones script, there's a "we see" that introduces a character wearing a fedora and leather jacket, though he's only shown from behind. Obviously, the "we see" is used to offer that description and give the impression that the character is Indiana Jones when that is not in fact the case.

So it's definitely useful when limiting the information the reader has. I wouldn't dispute that at all.

However, as with capitalizing and underlining, this "rule" exists because there are always a healthy sampling of newbies who overindulge. I once read a script that started nearly every paragraph with "we see" and after a while it just got to be annoying. It was a pretty clear PASS. However, I hasten to add that the Pass wasn't because of the "we sees," just that the "we sees" were merely symptoms of this writer's lack of skill.

If all the dialogue in a script sucks, the answer is not "Never write dialogue," it's, "learn to write better dialogue." And if all the uses of "we see" in a script reach such an epidemic proportion that it becomes cluttered and annoying to follow, the answer is "learn to use the tool properly."

Just my take. Bring on the pitchforks!

The Woman in Black

This is going to be a good week at Scriptshadow. We don't have a single script that receives less than a "worth the read." One of those scripts is shockingly good exorcism story, one a comedy, and one a script that wasn't very good but has an insane approach to it that, combined with the "universally loved by all geeks" director, is going to make it a must read. Finally, we'll finish off with a new Top 25 script, a crime drama that blew me away. And I don't even like crime drama, so you know it's good. Right now Roger's going to review a genre and a screenwriter he knows well. Let's give him our full attention.

Genre: Old Fashioned Ghost Story, Gothic Horror
Premise: When Arthur Kipps, a young widower and solicitor, leaves his son in London to settle the legal affairs of the recently deceased Alice Drablow, proprietor of the Eel Marsh House in Crythin Gifford, he finds himself in a life and death struggle with a specter whom is killing all of the town's children.

About: Based on a 1983 novel by English author, Susan Hill, "The Woman in Black" was adapted into a stage play (which still runs today in the UK), a couple of radio plays and a TV Movie for Britain's ITV. Under the newly resurrected Hammer Film Productions, the script was written by Jane Goldman (
Kick-Ass, Stardust, The Debt, X-Men: First Class) and is set to star post-Harry Potter Daniel Radcliffe with James Watkins (Eden Lake) as director. Presumably this is the first script coming out of Goldman's recent signing with William Morris Endeavor.
Writers: Jane Goldman, inspired by Susan Hill's 1983 novel.

Details: 2
nd Draft. Dated August 3, 2010.


This is how it's done.


Let's forget the pedigree for a moment. Let's forget this was a novel written by Susan Hill, a lady inspired by English ghost story masters M.R. James and Daphne du Maurier, a lady who understood setting, suspense and atmosphere. Let's forget that said novel was creepily satisfying enough to be adapted into a stage play, a radio play and a TV movie in Britian. And, let's forget that newly resurrected Hammer Horror returns to the cinemas swinging, not only with Let Me In and The Resident, but with this deliciously Gothic ghost story written by the foxy Jane Goldman (a former paranormal tv show host) and helmed by Eden Lake (have you seen this flick?!) director James Watkins.
Forget all that.
You can be completely ignorant of the history, tradition and the modern filmmakers involved and still be creeped-the-fuck-out by this terrifying M.R. Jamesian ghost story.
Why do you compare this tale to the work of M.R. James, Rog?
Jamesian storytelling can be categorized by (1) a protagonist who is a reserved and rather naive gentleman-scholar, (2) a characterful setting in an English village, seaside town or country estate, and (3) the discovery of an object or secret that attracts the attention of a malevolent supernatural menace.
James is also known for saying, "Another requisite, in my opinion, is that the ghost should be malevolent or odious; amiable and helpful apparitions are all very well in fairy tales or local legends, but I have no use for them in a fictitious ghost story."
So, Arthur Kipps is a naïve gentleman?
Arthur is a young English solicitor who has been labeled as excess cargo by Mr. Bentley, head of the law firm which employs him. When we meet him, he's getting ready for his trip to the seaside market town, Crythin Gifford, where he is to retrieve the legal documents for the recently deceased Alice Drablow. Mr. Bentley has put Arthur in charge of handling her estate, retrieving the deeds and resolving any matter that my hinder the sale of Drablow's property, Eel Marsh House.
This is his chance to prove himself as more than baggage to the firm, and we're immediately interested not because matters of real estate law intrigue us, but because we feel sympathy for Arthur Kipps and his situation.
You see, Arthur is a widower. His wife Stella died during childbirth, and he's been left alone (save the Nanny) to tend to his frail and sickly son, Edward. Edward is only six years old and he receives medical treatment that Arthur can barely afford with his current wage. It's not an option for him to lose his job, so this is a job that turns into a quest that will either make or break him.
His motivation is simple: Keep his son alive.
It seems easy enough. Gather all the dusty documents at Eel Marsh House and retrieve some papers from the local Crythin Gifford solicitor. It's a simple snatch and grab job, right?
Wrong.
Arthur's quest is immediately met by resistance as soon as he arrives in Crythin Gifford, elevating what should seem like a stroll in the park to a task that goes from annoying to impossible in a matter of hours.
What's going on in Crythin Gifford?
Nothing good.
This place is either cursed or haunted or both, and in fact, this is something Arthur is gonna have to figure out if he wants to get out of this place alive.
On his train, Arthur meets Samuel Daily and his little dog, Spider. Samuel is a businessman who resides in Crythin Gifford. As him and Arthur get to talking, he suggests that Arthur is gonna have his work cut-out for him if he's trying to sell Eel Marsh House. Daily deals with property himself, and he says that no one will touch the house.
No one in the little town owns an automobile, except for Daily, and fortunately, he offers to give Arthur a ride from the train station to the quaint market town.
At the Gifford Arms Inn, we learn that all of the rooms are occupied, even though there are only three or four people at the bar. The innkeeper and his wife say they'll be able to host him in the attic for the night, but they say that even that space is booked for the rest of the week, despite Arthur's firm telegraphing a reservation in advance.
The message is clear. These people are trying to get Arthur out of their town.
Arthur has a creepy night in the attic, and this is why: The beginning of the script opens with a chilling scene where three little girls, dressed in Victorian dresses and pinafores, are playing tea-party with their stuffed animals. As they play, we hear the market chatter outside...then suddenly, all three girls "stop and look up simultaneously, their eyes fixed on something across the room, their faces suddenly, disturbingly, blank."
One by one, in synchronized movement, the three little girls stop what they're doing, and in perfect unison, jump out the window.
We never see what they saw.
That's on page one. One of the best first pages I've ever seen in a screenplay. Moving forward, that room they were playing in, that room they lived in, that's where Arthur has to sleep the first night. Although he's able to rest, it's the atmosphere and expectation that contributes to the sense of dread that begins to bleed from the story, and by the time you make it to the mid-point, it's all but saturating the pages.
The next day Arthur ventures to meet the local solicitor, Mr. Jerome. It's this stroll through the town that we begin to notice that the townspeople are very, very, VERY protective of their children. They peer from behind picket fences while the fathers scowl at Arthur. The scenario reaches grotesque tones when we learn that Mr. Jerome and his wife are possibly keeping their daughter locked in a dungeon-like cellar to protect her from...death.
Jerome is hasty with Arthur, wants to get him out of the town. He's gathered all documents and has arranged his assistant, Mr. Kenwick, to take him by pony and trap to the train station. Arthur wants to do a thorough job, and refuses to leave the town with missing documents.
He bribes Kenwick into taking him to Eel Marsh House.
What separates Eel Marsh House from other haunted houses?
Imagine a house on its own little island, separated from the mainland by "an incredible vista of shining marshland". Nine Lives Causeway is the path that leads to the house, and at hightide, the causeway disappears and the house is unreachable.
Or inescapable.
For a few hours at least.
Not only is this a brooding, creepy and Gothic setting, it also adheres to the number one rule for all haunted houses: Aside from being haunted, the exits must be guarded with peril. These exits must be seemingly unreachable. If Alien was a haunted house story in space, the only exit was the airlock. And Ripley didn't escape out of it. Instead, she blew the creature out of it. In the novel House of Leaves, the house had doors, but they became unreachable as the architecture of the house elongated and shifted to keep its victims inside, lost forever.
To make the island even more atmospheric and sinister, there's a gnarled tree, a gatekeeper's cottage and a family graveyard.
It seems that Mrs. Drablow was unorganized, and Arthur has given himself a week to hunt down and find all the appropriate documents, and it doesn't help that the house is in ill-repair and that there's a malevolent specter following his every move.
This Woman in Black seems content to just watch him, but by the time he returns to the town, his job still unaccomplished, children start to die in gruesome and creepy fashion. Not only do they start to die around Arthur, but the townspeople start to blame him for stirring up the town's dark past and blame his arrival for the deaths of their little ones.
To further raise the stakes and give the situation a ticking clock, Arthur keeps a calendar that his son Edward drew. He crosses off the days till Edward arrives in Crythin Gifford with his Nanny. Since no one in the town owns a telephone, and the only telegraph is situated in the post office that always seems closed for business, Arthur has no way of communicating with the outside world.
With the help of Samuel Daily, he must uncover the town's secrets and put this ghost to rest, lest his own son be put in lethal proximity to this phantom child killer.
Does it work?
Hell yes. A good ghost story is all about creating suspense and atmosphere. Insert a character into this atmospheric scenario that we care about and feel sympathy for, who has an impossible task with some high stakes, and you've got a recipe for unsettling, creepy goodness.
From a grotesque sequence featuring Samuel Daily's wife being possessed by a dead child that wants to communicate with Arthur to bizarre tar baby-like apparitions climbing out of the marshes to terrorize our characters, there are many twisted and powerful scare scenes that pull us, leading us with dread, through this mystery.
The script is also peppered with sorrowful touches and images that build the atmosphere and tone of the world. Birds are a motif. A fireplace with a nest full of dead baby birds is a striking detail that's impossible to forget. Arthur's grief for his wife is reflected in his scene with a Mynah bird that has mimicked his dead wife's voice, "Again. Say it again."
But, what I liked best was the ending.
I'm not going to spoil it, but it was so layered and fantastic and heartbreaking and satisfying, that I might have shed a tear or two.
My verdict? "The Woman in Black" might be better than The Sixth Sense, which I regard highly. One of the best ghost stories I've had the fortune of reading. Can't wait to see this on the big screen. It's gonna be a classic like Shirley Jackson's The Haunting of Hill House.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[x] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Setting. Are you telling a story about a haunted locale? Well, this is a genre that's been done to death, so you're gonna have to make your setting memorable and original. And, it's going to have to fit in the world you build. I've never quite seen or heard of anything like Eel Marsh House, this creepy old Gothic structure that exists on an island in the middle of a vast marshland that's only reachable at certain hours of the day. It's gloriously Romantic and Victorian. This setting, coupled with the strange phenomena we saw in the marshlands, reminded me a lot of the weirdness and the unsettling tricks of perception that were used in the great Algernon Blackwood story, "The Willows".

The Woman in Black

This is going to be a good week at Scriptshadow. We don't have a single script that receives less than a "worth the read." One of those scripts is shockingly good exorcism story, one a comedy, and one a script that wasn't very good but has an insane approach to it that, combined with the "universally loved by all geeks" director, is going to make it a must read. Finally, we'll finish off with a new Top 25 script, a crime drama that blew me away. And I don't even like crime drama, so you know it's good. Right now Roger's going to review a genre and a screenwriter he knows well. Let's give him our full attention.

Genre: Old Fashioned Ghost Story, Gothic Horror
Premise: When Arthur Kipps, a young widower and solicitor, leaves his son in London to settle the legal affairs of the recently deceased Alice Drablow, proprietor of the Eel Marsh House in Crythin Gifford, he finds himself in a life and death struggle with a specter whom is killing all of the town's children.

About: Based on a 1983 novel by English author, Susan Hill, "The Woman in Black" was adapted into a stage play (which still runs today in the UK), a couple of radio plays and a TV Movie for Britain's ITV. Under the newly resurrected Hammer Film Productions, the script was written by Jane Goldman (
Kick-Ass, Stardust, The Debt, X-Men: First Class) and is set to star post-Harry Potter Daniel Radcliffe with James Watkins (Eden Lake) as director. Presumably this is the first script coming out of Goldman's recent signing with William Morris Endeavor.
Writers: Jane Goldman, inspired by Susan Hill's 1983 novel.

Details: 2
nd Draft. Dated August 3, 2010.


This is how it's done.


Let's forget the pedigree for a moment. Let's forget this was a novel written by Susan Hill, a lady inspired by English ghost story masters M.R. James and Daphne du Maurier, a lady who understood setting, suspense and atmosphere. Let's forget that said novel was creepily satisfying enough to be adapted into a stage play, a radio play and a TV movie in Britian. And, let's forget that newly resurrected Hammer Horror returns to the cinemas swinging, not only with Let Me In and The Resident, but with this deliciously Gothic ghost story written by the foxy Jane Goldman (a former paranormal tv show host) and helmed by Eden Lake (have you seen this flick?!) director James Watkins.
Forget all that.
You can be completely ignorant of the history, tradition and the modern filmmakers involved and still be creeped-the-fuck-out by this terrifying M.R. Jamesian ghost story.
Why do you compare this tale to the work of M.R. James, Rog?
Jamesian storytelling can be categorized by (1) a protagonist who is a reserved and rather naive gentleman-scholar, (2) a characterful setting in an English village, seaside town or country estate, and (3) the discovery of an object or secret that attracts the attention of a malevolent supernatural menace.
James is also known for saying, "Another requisite, in my opinion, is that the ghost should be malevolent or odious; amiable and helpful apparitions are all very well in fairy tales or local legends, but I have no use for them in a fictitious ghost story."
So, Arthur Kipps is a naïve gentleman?
Arthur is a young English solicitor who has been labeled as excess cargo by Mr. Bentley, head of the law firm which employs him. When we meet him, he's getting ready for his trip to the seaside market town, Crythin Gifford, where he is to retrieve the legal documents for the recently deceased Alice Drablow. Mr. Bentley has put Arthur in charge of handling her estate, retrieving the deeds and resolving any matter that my hinder the sale of Drablow's property, Eel Marsh House.
This is his chance to prove himself as more than baggage to the firm, and we're immediately interested not because matters of real estate law intrigue us, but because we feel sympathy for Arthur Kipps and his situation.
You see, Arthur is a widower. His wife Stella died during childbirth, and he's been left alone (save the Nanny) to tend to his frail and sickly son, Edward. Edward is only six years old and he receives medical treatment that Arthur can barely afford with his current wage. It's not an option for him to lose his job, so this is a job that turns into a quest that will either make or break him.
His motivation is simple: Keep his son alive.
It seems easy enough. Gather all the dusty documents at Eel Marsh House and retrieve some papers from the local Crythin Gifford solicitor. It's a simple snatch and grab job, right?
Wrong.
Arthur's quest is immediately met by resistance as soon as he arrives in Crythin Gifford, elevating what should seem like a stroll in the park to a task that goes from annoying to impossible in a matter of hours.
What's going on in Crythin Gifford?
Nothing good.
This place is either cursed or haunted or both, and in fact, this is something Arthur is gonna have to figure out if he wants to get out of this place alive.
On his train, Arthur meets Samuel Daily and his little dog, Spider. Samuel is a businessman who resides in Crythin Gifford. As him and Arthur get to talking, he suggests that Arthur is gonna have his work cut-out for him if he's trying to sell Eel Marsh House. Daily deals with property himself, and he says that no one will touch the house.
No one in the little town owns an automobile, except for Daily, and fortunately, he offers to give Arthur a ride from the train station to the quaint market town.
At the Gifford Arms Inn, we learn that all of the rooms are occupied, even though there are only three or four people at the bar. The innkeeper and his wife say they'll be able to host him in the attic for the night, but they say that even that space is booked for the rest of the week, despite Arthur's firm telegraphing a reservation in advance.
The message is clear. These people are trying to get Arthur out of their town.
Arthur has a creepy night in the attic, and this is why: The beginning of the script opens with a chilling scene where three little girls, dressed in Victorian dresses and pinafores, are playing tea-party with their stuffed animals. As they play, we hear the market chatter outside...then suddenly, all three girls "stop and look up simultaneously, their eyes fixed on something across the room, their faces suddenly, disturbingly, blank."
One by one, in synchronized movement, the three little girls stop what they're doing, and in perfect unison, jump out the window.
We never see what they saw.
That's on page one. One of the best first pages I've ever seen in a screenplay. Moving forward, that room they were playing in, that room they lived in, that's where Arthur has to sleep the first night. Although he's able to rest, it's the atmosphere and expectation that contributes to the sense of dread that begins to bleed from the story, and by the time you make it to the mid-point, it's all but saturating the pages.
The next day Arthur ventures to meet the local solicitor, Mr. Jerome. It's this stroll through the town that we begin to notice that the townspeople are very, very, VERY protective of their children. They peer from behind picket fences while the fathers scowl at Arthur. The scenario reaches grotesque tones when we learn that Mr. Jerome and his wife are possibly keeping their daughter locked in a dungeon-like cellar to protect her from...death.
Jerome is hasty with Arthur, wants to get him out of the town. He's gathered all documents and has arranged his assistant, Mr. Kenwick, to take him by pony and trap to the train station. Arthur wants to do a thorough job, and refuses to leave the town with missing documents.
He bribes Kenwick into taking him to Eel Marsh House.
What separates Eel Marsh House from other haunted houses?
Imagine a house on its own little island, separated from the mainland by "an incredible vista of shining marshland". Nine Lives Causeway is the path that leads to the house, and at hightide, the causeway disappears and the house is unreachable.
Or inescapable.
For a few hours at least.
Not only is this a brooding, creepy and Gothic setting, it also adheres to the number one rule for all haunted houses: Aside from being haunted, the exits must be guarded with peril. These exits must be seemingly unreachable. If Alien was a haunted house story in space, the only exit was the airlock. And Ripley didn't escape out of it. Instead, she blew the creature out of it. In the novel House of Leaves, the house had doors, but they became unreachable as the architecture of the house elongated and shifted to keep its victims inside, lost forever.
To make the island even more atmospheric and sinister, there's a gnarled tree, a gatekeeper's cottage and a family graveyard.
It seems that Mrs. Drablow was unorganized, and Arthur has given himself a week to hunt down and find all the appropriate documents, and it doesn't help that the house is in ill-repair and that there's a malevolent specter following his every move.
This Woman in Black seems content to just watch him, but by the time he returns to the town, his job still unaccomplished, children start to die in gruesome and creepy fashion. Not only do they start to die around Arthur, but the townspeople start to blame him for stirring up the town's dark past and blame his arrival for the deaths of their little ones.
To further raise the stakes and give the situation a ticking clock, Arthur keeps a calendar that his son Edward drew. He crosses off the days till Edward arrives in Crythin Gifford with his Nanny. Since no one in the town owns a telephone, and the only telegraph is situated in the post office that always seems closed for business, Arthur has no way of communicating with the outside world.
With the help of Samuel Daily, he must uncover the town's secrets and put this ghost to rest, lest his own son be put in lethal proximity to this phantom child killer.
Does it work?
Hell yes. A good ghost story is all about creating suspense and atmosphere. Insert a character into this atmospheric scenario that we care about and feel sympathy for, who has an impossible task with some high stakes, and you've got a recipe for unsettling, creepy goodness.
From a grotesque sequence featuring Samuel Daily's wife being possessed by a dead child that wants to communicate with Arthur to bizarre tar baby-like apparitions climbing out of the marshes to terrorize our characters, there are many twisted and powerful scare scenes that pull us, leading us with dread, through this mystery.
The script is also peppered with sorrowful touches and images that build the atmosphere and tone of the world. Birds are a motif. A fireplace with a nest full of dead baby birds is a striking detail that's impossible to forget. Arthur's grief for his wife is reflected in his scene with a Mynah bird that has mimicked his dead wife's voice, "Again. Say it again."
But, what I liked best was the ending.
I'm not going to spoil it, but it was so layered and fantastic and heartbreaking and satisfying, that I might have shed a tear or two.
My verdict? "The Woman in Black" might be better than The Sixth Sense, which I regard highly. One of the best ghost stories I've had the fortune of reading. Can't wait to see this on the big screen. It's gonna be a classic like Shirley Jackson's The Haunting of Hill House.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[x] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Setting. Are you telling a story about a haunted locale? Well, this is a genre that's been done to death, so you're gonna have to make your setting memorable and original. And, it's going to have to fit in the world you build. I've never quite seen or heard of anything like Eel Marsh House, this creepy old Gothic structure that exists on an island in the middle of a vast marshland that's only reachable at certain hours of the day. It's gloriously Romantic and Victorian. This setting, coupled with the strange phenomena we saw in the marshlands, reminded me a lot of the weirdness and the unsettling tricks of perception that were used in the great Algernon Blackwood story, "The Willows".