Pliny The Elder asks:
What insight can you give into the decision making process behind the reader's job?
What kind of scripts make it past the reader, and which ones fail?
Do you err on the side of passing a script upwards, if it has a glimmer of potential? Are you told to favor various genres?
All good questions, some with more complicated answers than you might expect.
The number one credo every reader has to live by is to serve the client. Sure, we're there because we've proven our worth and our input is valued... but we're also there because the really important people simply don't have time to go through every submission. We're there to take the bullets on the bad scripts so they don't have to.
You know how on the old Star Treks there'd be a landing party that consisted of Captain Kirk, Mr. Spock, Dr. McCoy... and some guy in a red shirt you never saw before? Remember why that "red shirt" was there? So that when trouble came along, the red shirt was the one who got killed and the Captain could go about his business. In many ways, the reader is the red shirt. If something gets past us and threatens the Captain, it had better be something he wants to deal with.
This is why readers are so hard on the scripts they see. If we're saying something is worth the boss's attention, then it had better be damn good. You know what? I'll amend that slightly. It doesn't need to be across-the-board impressive, but it had better have something in there that makes it worthy of the boss's attention.
This is the second aspect of serving the client - know what your boss is looking for. Most production companies have fairly defined identities. That's easy enough to suss out just by looking at the sorts of films the company has made in the past. Granted, some are more defined than others. If you're reading for Platinum Dunes (Michael Bay's production company), you'll probably be getting a lot of action submissions and a lot of horror submissions. Here's PD's resume of released films:
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The Amityville Horror
The Hitcher
Horseman
The Unborn
Friday the 13th
A Nightmare on Elm Street
Only two of those are not remakes and pretty much all of them are horror/thrillers. The IMDB Pro page also lists several scripts and pitches which they've purchased, most along the same lines as the examples above. Bottom line: if you're a reader at PD, you're probably going to be less inclined to pass a romantic comedy or a character drama up the ladder unless it's extremely well-written. (And yes, for unfathomable reasons there are plenty of production companies that get submissions that are "off-model" for them.)
Also, there's probably a chance that you'll go a little easier on some horror films or thrillers. The writing might not be perfect, but maybe there's a premise you see worth developing. Perhaps it simply looks like it could be done on a low budget and is essentially actor-proof. Maybe you read a script and think, "Not my cup of tea, but the company knows how to sell this kind of thing and there's a market for it." Cases like that are what "Consider with Reservations" was made for. Then you can hammer the weak spots in your coverage but still point out the potential the material has.
A company with a less rigid identity - like Imagine Entertainment - allows for a slightly different approach. There you might be open to a wider variety of genres, but as a consequence, you'll probably be more discriminating about the writing quality. Good writing will rise to the top, and as a reader in a place like that, you're probably going to be holding back the Consider ranking for a script that you'll remember for a long time.
For the writers, this is where most of the lessons I've tried to impart in this blog come in. Do you have a solid hook? Do you have vivid characters? Is your pacing effective? Does your story have strong structure? Is it visual? Is it memorable? Is there a market for it?
If I'm reading for Platinum Dunes and I get the script for Friends With Benefits, it probably doesn't stand much chance of doing better than "Consider with Reservations" since it's so off-brand for the company. On the other hand, at Imagine the brand is so diverse that Friends With Benefits just has to be a good script for me to run it up the flagpole.
That's on the production company side. The agency side is somewhat different because when you're dealing with established, repped writers, then all kinds of politics get involved. For the unrepped writers submitting, the focus is less on specific genres (unless you're writing unmarketable swill like 150-page period costume dramas) and more about proving you can write excellent. And if you can't write excellent, you'd better be able to write commercial.
As for if I error on the side of passing a script upwards, if it has a glimmer of potential, that's something that's judged more on a case-by-case basis. I always look at it from the point of view of, if my boss calls me into his office and says, "You like this? Why?" I should be able to defend it. If I'm half-hearted about it, I'll give it the "Consider with Reservations" treatment and be very specific in my coverage about what I think has merit while pointing everything wrong with the script.
I think the times when I'd err on passing the script upwards would be if it was a really original, clever screenplay. If you could feel the talent coming off of the page, even if the pace was a little slow, or the idea just a little bit odd. But honestly, if you've been reading for the same people for a while, you'll start to pick up the kinds of things they respond to and the sorts of things they don't care about at all. Some execs might be drawn to the quirkier material from raw writers, while others simply aren't inclined to take a chance and nurture something like that.
I hope that gives some insight into the process. There are so many variables in the reading/coverage process that it's sometimes hard to give a general one-size-fits-all-answer.
Reader question - mentality of a reader
Pliny The Elder asks:
What insight can you give into the decision making process behind the reader's job?
What kind of scripts make it past the reader, and which ones fail?
Do you err on the side of passing a script upwards, if it has a glimmer of potential? Are you told to favor various genres?
All good questions, some with more complicated answers than you might expect.
The number one credo every reader has to live by is to serve the client. Sure, we're there because we've proven our worth and our input is valued... but we're also there because the really important people simply don't have time to go through every submission. We're there to take the bullets on the bad scripts so they don't have to.
You know how on the old Star Treks there'd be a landing party that consisted of Captain Kirk, Mr. Spock, Dr. McCoy... and some guy in a red shirt you never saw before? Remember why that "red shirt" was there? So that when trouble came along, the red shirt was the one who got killed and the Captain could go about his business. In many ways, the reader is the red shirt. If something gets past us and threatens the Captain, it had better be something he wants to deal with.
This is why readers are so hard on the scripts they see. If we're saying something is worth the boss's attention, then it had better be damn good. You know what? I'll amend that slightly. It doesn't need to be across-the-board impressive, but it had better have something in there that makes it worthy of the boss's attention.
This is the second aspect of serving the client - know what your boss is looking for. Most production companies have fairly defined identities. That's easy enough to suss out just by looking at the sorts of films the company has made in the past. Granted, some are more defined than others. If you're reading for Platinum Dunes (Michael Bay's production company), you'll probably be getting a lot of action submissions and a lot of horror submissions. Here's PD's resume of released films:
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The Amityville Horror
The Hitcher
Horseman
The Unborn
Friday the 13th
A Nightmare on Elm Street
Only two of those are not remakes and pretty much all of them are horror/thrillers. The IMDB Pro page also lists several scripts and pitches which they've purchased, most along the same lines as the examples above. Bottom line: if you're a reader at PD, you're probably going to be less inclined to pass a romantic comedy or a character drama up the ladder unless it's extremely well-written. (And yes, for unfathomable reasons there are plenty of production companies that get submissions that are "off-model" for them.)
Also, there's probably a chance that you'll go a little easier on some horror films or thrillers. The writing might not be perfect, but maybe there's a premise you see worth developing. Perhaps it simply looks like it could be done on a low budget and is essentially actor-proof. Maybe you read a script and think, "Not my cup of tea, but the company knows how to sell this kind of thing and there's a market for it." Cases like that are what "Consider with Reservations" was made for. Then you can hammer the weak spots in your coverage but still point out the potential the material has.
A company with a less rigid identity - like Imagine Entertainment - allows for a slightly different approach. There you might be open to a wider variety of genres, but as a consequence, you'll probably be more discriminating about the writing quality. Good writing will rise to the top, and as a reader in a place like that, you're probably going to be holding back the Consider ranking for a script that you'll remember for a long time.
For the writers, this is where most of the lessons I've tried to impart in this blog come in. Do you have a solid hook? Do you have vivid characters? Is your pacing effective? Does your story have strong structure? Is it visual? Is it memorable? Is there a market for it?
If I'm reading for Platinum Dunes and I get the script for Friends With Benefits, it probably doesn't stand much chance of doing better than "Consider with Reservations" since it's so off-brand for the company. On the other hand, at Imagine the brand is so diverse that Friends With Benefits just has to be a good script for me to run it up the flagpole.
That's on the production company side. The agency side is somewhat different because when you're dealing with established, repped writers, then all kinds of politics get involved. For the unrepped writers submitting, the focus is less on specific genres (unless you're writing unmarketable swill like 150-page period costume dramas) and more about proving you can write excellent. And if you can't write excellent, you'd better be able to write commercial.
As for if I error on the side of passing a script upwards, if it has a glimmer of potential, that's something that's judged more on a case-by-case basis. I always look at it from the point of view of, if my boss calls me into his office and says, "You like this? Why?" I should be able to defend it. If I'm half-hearted about it, I'll give it the "Consider with Reservations" treatment and be very specific in my coverage about what I think has merit while pointing everything wrong with the script.
I think the times when I'd err on passing the script upwards would be if it was a really original, clever screenplay. If you could feel the talent coming off of the page, even if the pace was a little slow, or the idea just a little bit odd. But honestly, if you've been reading for the same people for a while, you'll start to pick up the kinds of things they respond to and the sorts of things they don't care about at all. Some execs might be drawn to the quirkier material from raw writers, while others simply aren't inclined to take a chance and nurture something like that.
I hope that gives some insight into the process. There are so many variables in the reading/coverage process that it's sometimes hard to give a general one-size-fits-all-answer.
What insight can you give into the decision making process behind the reader's job?
What kind of scripts make it past the reader, and which ones fail?
Do you err on the side of passing a script upwards, if it has a glimmer of potential? Are you told to favor various genres?
All good questions, some with more complicated answers than you might expect.
The number one credo every reader has to live by is to serve the client. Sure, we're there because we've proven our worth and our input is valued... but we're also there because the really important people simply don't have time to go through every submission. We're there to take the bullets on the bad scripts so they don't have to.
You know how on the old Star Treks there'd be a landing party that consisted of Captain Kirk, Mr. Spock, Dr. McCoy... and some guy in a red shirt you never saw before? Remember why that "red shirt" was there? So that when trouble came along, the red shirt was the one who got killed and the Captain could go about his business. In many ways, the reader is the red shirt. If something gets past us and threatens the Captain, it had better be something he wants to deal with.
This is why readers are so hard on the scripts they see. If we're saying something is worth the boss's attention, then it had better be damn good. You know what? I'll amend that slightly. It doesn't need to be across-the-board impressive, but it had better have something in there that makes it worthy of the boss's attention.
This is the second aspect of serving the client - know what your boss is looking for. Most production companies have fairly defined identities. That's easy enough to suss out just by looking at the sorts of films the company has made in the past. Granted, some are more defined than others. If you're reading for Platinum Dunes (Michael Bay's production company), you'll probably be getting a lot of action submissions and a lot of horror submissions. Here's PD's resume of released films:
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The Amityville Horror
The Hitcher
Horseman
The Unborn
Friday the 13th
A Nightmare on Elm Street
Only two of those are not remakes and pretty much all of them are horror/thrillers. The IMDB Pro page also lists several scripts and pitches which they've purchased, most along the same lines as the examples above. Bottom line: if you're a reader at PD, you're probably going to be less inclined to pass a romantic comedy or a character drama up the ladder unless it's extremely well-written. (And yes, for unfathomable reasons there are plenty of production companies that get submissions that are "off-model" for them.)
Also, there's probably a chance that you'll go a little easier on some horror films or thrillers. The writing might not be perfect, but maybe there's a premise you see worth developing. Perhaps it simply looks like it could be done on a low budget and is essentially actor-proof. Maybe you read a script and think, "Not my cup of tea, but the company knows how to sell this kind of thing and there's a market for it." Cases like that are what "Consider with Reservations" was made for. Then you can hammer the weak spots in your coverage but still point out the potential the material has.
A company with a less rigid identity - like Imagine Entertainment - allows for a slightly different approach. There you might be open to a wider variety of genres, but as a consequence, you'll probably be more discriminating about the writing quality. Good writing will rise to the top, and as a reader in a place like that, you're probably going to be holding back the Consider ranking for a script that you'll remember for a long time.
For the writers, this is where most of the lessons I've tried to impart in this blog come in. Do you have a solid hook? Do you have vivid characters? Is your pacing effective? Does your story have strong structure? Is it visual? Is it memorable? Is there a market for it?
If I'm reading for Platinum Dunes and I get the script for Friends With Benefits, it probably doesn't stand much chance of doing better than "Consider with Reservations" since it's so off-brand for the company. On the other hand, at Imagine the brand is so diverse that Friends With Benefits just has to be a good script for me to run it up the flagpole.
That's on the production company side. The agency side is somewhat different because when you're dealing with established, repped writers, then all kinds of politics get involved. For the unrepped writers submitting, the focus is less on specific genres (unless you're writing unmarketable swill like 150-page period costume dramas) and more about proving you can write excellent. And if you can't write excellent, you'd better be able to write commercial.
As for if I error on the side of passing a script upwards, if it has a glimmer of potential, that's something that's judged more on a case-by-case basis. I always look at it from the point of view of, if my boss calls me into his office and says, "You like this? Why?" I should be able to defend it. If I'm half-hearted about it, I'll give it the "Consider with Reservations" treatment and be very specific in my coverage about what I think has merit while pointing everything wrong with the script.
I think the times when I'd err on passing the script upwards would be if it was a really original, clever screenplay. If you could feel the talent coming off of the page, even if the pace was a little slow, or the idea just a little bit odd. But honestly, if you've been reading for the same people for a while, you'll start to pick up the kinds of things they respond to and the sorts of things they don't care about at all. Some execs might be drawn to the quirkier material from raw writers, while others simply aren't inclined to take a chance and nurture something like that.
I hope that gives some insight into the process. There are so many variables in the reading/coverage process that it's sometimes hard to give a general one-size-fits-all-answer.
Amateur Friday - Dead Ahead
Genre: Comedy
Premise: (actual logline sent) Two slackers get a job at a funeral home, but accidentally misplace the body of a distinguished senator and get wrapped up in a wild chase trying to find it in time for the funeral.
About: George Chatzigeorgiou, the writer, is from Greece. Yeah baby. Scriptshadow goes international today. -- Every Friday, I review a script from the readers of the site. If you’re interested in submitting your script for an Amateur Review, send it in PDF form, along with your title, genre, logline, and why I should read your script to Carsonreeves3@gmail.com. Keep in mind your script will be posted in the review (feel free to keep your identity and script title private by providing an alias and fake title).
Writer: George Chatzigeorgiou
Details: 104 pages
Yes, I’m a broken record. But I’m going to say it again.
Comedy is hard.
It’s really hard. And I think there’s a reason that even though comedy is the most reviewed genre on Amateur Fridays, no comedy scripts made it into the Amateur Top 5, and only 2 made it into the Top 11. Everybody tends to think they’re funnier than they actually are. I mean, I think I’m hilarious. But the other day when I cracked what I believed to be a 5 star knee-slapper at the Cleaners, I didn’t get so much as a smile from the cashier (my joke was that her shirt looked an awful lot like a shirt they had lost of mine a year ago). Of course I don’t think she spoke English, but you get the point. Most people tend to overestimate their FV (funniness value).
Combine that with the fact that it takes awhile to learn how to be funny within the confines of a screenplay, and you get a glut of comedy specs that elicit, at most, a couple of chuckles per 100 pages. I still don’t think there’s any worse reading experience than a comedy that isn’t funny. Because you realize it isn’t funny somewhere around page 7, but then still have to trudge through another 103 pages. Knowing that the primary purpose of the script is to make you laugh, and that it will never succeed at that…Well, it’s pretty depressing.
But a very good sign is if the logline itself has FV. And that’s what happened here. I was all set to review a script with a dinosaur in it (I’ll be reviewing that next week) until I read this logline and started laughing. Since that rarely happens, I had to read the script. So, with that said, did Dead Ahead live up to its logline? Or did it die a humorless death?
20-something Andrew Buchanan is a slacker. Doesn’t have a job. Doesn’t have ambition. Actually, he does want to be a comic book artist, but every chance he gets to show his work to his comic book idols, he chickens out.
There’s only one person who’s an even bigger slacker than Andrew, and that’s his friend Max. Max is the worst kind of slacker. The kind who actually works TO STAY a slacker. That’s right. He’s so lazy that he actually works his ass off so that he doesn’t have to work. See his father keeps setting up interviews for him, and in order to keep from getting hired, he blows into the interviews intentionally looking like a moron. That way he gets to keep surfing on daddy’s dime.
Anyway, Max’s dad has had enough. He bypasses the interview process and actually gets Max (and Andrew) a job at a funeral home. They’re both mortified, but they don’t have any choice but to take it. And to make matters worse, on the very first day of work, they’re assigned to transport a dead California senator’s body to Los Angeles for his funeral.
But when they stop off for a quick errand, the van disappears. They find out it’s been towed, hurry over to the local impound lot, pay to get their van back, but upon doing so, find out the body’s gone. Uh oh. This can’t be good. They do some digging and find out the Senator’s wife may have taken the body, but when they get to her, she says she has no idea what they’re talking about (and also seems decidedly blase about her husband’s death).
They follow the trail to the Senator’s mistress, who’s a few feet shallow of a cemetery plot, and find out she’s running around town with the senator. With the DEAD SENATOR. She’s so crazy she thinks he’s still alive. Somewhere in the midst of all this, the buddies meet super hot wanna be journalist Kailin, who has a really overbearing boyfriend, Garrett, who’s convinced she’s banging some guy with a bigger dick. Andrew instantly falls in love with Kailin, but has to fend off the always nearby Garrett.
Somewhere amongst all of this (and the reason Kailin joins them) is a USB flash drive that the Senator had on him before he died. There must be some really important information on that drive since everybody – including some unsavory criminal types – are looking for the body just as feverishly as our heroes. Somehow Andrew and Max will have to get it together, stop being such slackers, and get the dead Senator to Los Angeles in time for the funeral, and before this crazy cast of loonies stops them.
So what did I think of Dead Ahead? Well I thought there were some good things about it. Structurally, it’s near perfect. We have a clear goal – get the dead body from point A to point B. We have a ticking time bomb – get it there before the funeral. We have conflict – the worst possible guys for the job are in charge. We have obstacles - Criminal types/Evil boyfriends. We have characters with some depth – Andrew lacks courage and Max resists responsibility. So at the core I would say George really knew what he was doing.
However, I’m afraid to say I didn’t laugh that much. And I’m not sure why (but I have some ideas). One of the things that’s REALLY important in any script, but especially a formulaic comedy, is that the choices be unique. The reason being that the FORMULA aspect of your script is your constant. It’s the thing that makes it just like every other comedy, albeit necessary to focus the story. Therefore all the variables have to feel different in some way. Otherwise EVERYTHING is familiar. And that’s the problem here. The details feel too familiar. For example, it seems like every comedy writer is including the Eastern European thug character who speaks funny English. I’d actually read a similar character 2 hours prior to reading this in another comedy (I’ll be reviewing that script Monday).
The crazy mistress character dragging a dead body around had potential, but again, I’ve seen that before. In Weekend At Bernie’s and that John Candy movie (somebody help me out here). And the USB McGuffin also felt a little stale. I just feel like more chances needed to be taken. This comedy is way ahead of the pack due to George’s understanding of structure, but once you get the structure down, you have to take everything else to the next level. You’re never going to come up with something completely original. But if you can make each choice just a little different than what’s come before it, your movie will seem fresh. Take The Hangover for instance. I can’t remember any previous movie where a naked Chinese guy jumped out of a trunk. Or guys woke up in Vegas with a tiger in their bathroom. Or our main characters had to schlep around a baby (in this particular situation). All those little choices are what separate your movie from the rest.
Another thing I realized about these comedies is how dependent they are on the “crazy” character. If your crazy character isn’t pushing the envelope, isn’t nuts or super funny in some unique way, your script has an uphill battle. In The Hangover, Zach G. is responsible for like 70% of the funny shit in that movie. And the reason is, they’re constantly pushing the envelope with him. He ruffies his friends. He mimes a baby jacking itself off. He screams “I hate Godzilla” when a naked Chinese man comes near him. Max was fine in this movie. He had a few good lines. But not once did he push the envelope. Not once did he do something I’d never seen before. I just think the“crazy” character is a big source of your comedy. He’s your home-run hitter. Your big RBI guy. He’s gotta deliver.
I will say, however, there was one hilarious scene with Max where I couldn’t stop laughing. Kailin’s psycho boyfriend Garrett is chasing them in a car, and for the 20th consecutive hour accusing Kailin of cheating on him and giving (just because he’s the nearest guy to her) Max a blowjob. Kailin finally cracks and to piss him off, claims, YES, SHE DID GIVE HIM A BLOWJOB!! She starts miming the blow job for Garrett’s benefit, who’s mortified that his worst nightmares has come true. But then Max starts getting into the fake blowjob and starts directing her on what to do (“could you bite it a little?”). Kailin gets a little carried away and screams to Garrett that she sucked Andrew’s dick too, and is now miming a double blow job, which Andrew, who’s sitting in the back seat, starts feeling really uncomfortable by, and he’s telling her to stop. It was just a really funny scene and gave me hope that George does have comedy chops.
But all in all, this script needs to dig deeper on its choices. We’re like 2 or 3 choices down with a lot of these comedy bits. We need to go 6 or 7 choices down. But the good news is that the foundation is there. It’s a perfect comedy premise. That’s why I picked it. So I hope George figures it out in the next draft.
Script link: Dead Ahead
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: Try to match up your character’s biggest fear with the task at hand. For example, Andrew has a fear of dead bodies. So what does he have to do? Transport a dead body. There’s a side-tip to this though. Don’t bury that fear amongst a bunch of other fears, or else the fear becomes negligible. Andrew’s ALSO afraid of a million other things, so the fear of dead bodies doesn’t resonate with the audience. I’d suggest stripping away all those other fears, just focusing on the fear of dead bodies, and then mine that fear as much as possible (he has to move the dead body, touch the dead body, undress and re-dress the dead body, pretend he's the dead body, etc.).
Premise: (actual logline sent) Two slackers get a job at a funeral home, but accidentally misplace the body of a distinguished senator and get wrapped up in a wild chase trying to find it in time for the funeral.
About: George Chatzigeorgiou, the writer, is from Greece. Yeah baby. Scriptshadow goes international today. -- Every Friday, I review a script from the readers of the site. If you’re interested in submitting your script for an Amateur Review, send it in PDF form, along with your title, genre, logline, and why I should read your script to Carsonreeves3@gmail.com. Keep in mind your script will be posted in the review (feel free to keep your identity and script title private by providing an alias and fake title).
Writer: George Chatzigeorgiou
Details: 104 pages
Yes, I’m a broken record. But I’m going to say it again.
Comedy is hard.
It’s really hard. And I think there’s a reason that even though comedy is the most reviewed genre on Amateur Fridays, no comedy scripts made it into the Amateur Top 5, and only 2 made it into the Top 11. Everybody tends to think they’re funnier than they actually are. I mean, I think I’m hilarious. But the other day when I cracked what I believed to be a 5 star knee-slapper at the Cleaners, I didn’t get so much as a smile from the cashier (my joke was that her shirt looked an awful lot like a shirt they had lost of mine a year ago). Of course I don’t think she spoke English, but you get the point. Most people tend to overestimate their FV (funniness value).
Combine that with the fact that it takes awhile to learn how to be funny within the confines of a screenplay, and you get a glut of comedy specs that elicit, at most, a couple of chuckles per 100 pages. I still don’t think there’s any worse reading experience than a comedy that isn’t funny. Because you realize it isn’t funny somewhere around page 7, but then still have to trudge through another 103 pages. Knowing that the primary purpose of the script is to make you laugh, and that it will never succeed at that…Well, it’s pretty depressing.
But a very good sign is if the logline itself has FV. And that’s what happened here. I was all set to review a script with a dinosaur in it (I’ll be reviewing that next week) until I read this logline and started laughing. Since that rarely happens, I had to read the script. So, with that said, did Dead Ahead live up to its logline? Or did it die a humorless death?
20-something Andrew Buchanan is a slacker. Doesn’t have a job. Doesn’t have ambition. Actually, he does want to be a comic book artist, but every chance he gets to show his work to his comic book idols, he chickens out.
There’s only one person who’s an even bigger slacker than Andrew, and that’s his friend Max. Max is the worst kind of slacker. The kind who actually works TO STAY a slacker. That’s right. He’s so lazy that he actually works his ass off so that he doesn’t have to work. See his father keeps setting up interviews for him, and in order to keep from getting hired, he blows into the interviews intentionally looking like a moron. That way he gets to keep surfing on daddy’s dime.
Anyway, Max’s dad has had enough. He bypasses the interview process and actually gets Max (and Andrew) a job at a funeral home. They’re both mortified, but they don’t have any choice but to take it. And to make matters worse, on the very first day of work, they’re assigned to transport a dead California senator’s body to Los Angeles for his funeral.
But when they stop off for a quick errand, the van disappears. They find out it’s been towed, hurry over to the local impound lot, pay to get their van back, but upon doing so, find out the body’s gone. Uh oh. This can’t be good. They do some digging and find out the Senator’s wife may have taken the body, but when they get to her, she says she has no idea what they’re talking about (and also seems decidedly blase about her husband’s death).
They follow the trail to the Senator’s mistress, who’s a few feet shallow of a cemetery plot, and find out she’s running around town with the senator. With the DEAD SENATOR. She’s so crazy she thinks he’s still alive. Somewhere in the midst of all this, the buddies meet super hot wanna be journalist Kailin, who has a really overbearing boyfriend, Garrett, who’s convinced she’s banging some guy with a bigger dick. Andrew instantly falls in love with Kailin, but has to fend off the always nearby Garrett.
Somewhere amongst all of this (and the reason Kailin joins them) is a USB flash drive that the Senator had on him before he died. There must be some really important information on that drive since everybody – including some unsavory criminal types – are looking for the body just as feverishly as our heroes. Somehow Andrew and Max will have to get it together, stop being such slackers, and get the dead Senator to Los Angeles in time for the funeral, and before this crazy cast of loonies stops them.
So what did I think of Dead Ahead? Well I thought there were some good things about it. Structurally, it’s near perfect. We have a clear goal – get the dead body from point A to point B. We have a ticking time bomb – get it there before the funeral. We have conflict – the worst possible guys for the job are in charge. We have obstacles - Criminal types/Evil boyfriends. We have characters with some depth – Andrew lacks courage and Max resists responsibility. So at the core I would say George really knew what he was doing.
However, I’m afraid to say I didn’t laugh that much. And I’m not sure why (but I have some ideas). One of the things that’s REALLY important in any script, but especially a formulaic comedy, is that the choices be unique. The reason being that the FORMULA aspect of your script is your constant. It’s the thing that makes it just like every other comedy, albeit necessary to focus the story. Therefore all the variables have to feel different in some way. Otherwise EVERYTHING is familiar. And that’s the problem here. The details feel too familiar. For example, it seems like every comedy writer is including the Eastern European thug character who speaks funny English. I’d actually read a similar character 2 hours prior to reading this in another comedy (I’ll be reviewing that script Monday).
The crazy mistress character dragging a dead body around had potential, but again, I’ve seen that before. In Weekend At Bernie’s and that John Candy movie (somebody help me out here). And the USB McGuffin also felt a little stale. I just feel like more chances needed to be taken. This comedy is way ahead of the pack due to George’s understanding of structure, but once you get the structure down, you have to take everything else to the next level. You’re never going to come up with something completely original. But if you can make each choice just a little different than what’s come before it, your movie will seem fresh. Take The Hangover for instance. I can’t remember any previous movie where a naked Chinese guy jumped out of a trunk. Or guys woke up in Vegas with a tiger in their bathroom. Or our main characters had to schlep around a baby (in this particular situation). All those little choices are what separate your movie from the rest.
Another thing I realized about these comedies is how dependent they are on the “crazy” character. If your crazy character isn’t pushing the envelope, isn’t nuts or super funny in some unique way, your script has an uphill battle. In The Hangover, Zach G. is responsible for like 70% of the funny shit in that movie. And the reason is, they’re constantly pushing the envelope with him. He ruffies his friends. He mimes a baby jacking itself off. He screams “I hate Godzilla” when a naked Chinese man comes near him. Max was fine in this movie. He had a few good lines. But not once did he push the envelope. Not once did he do something I’d never seen before. I just think the“crazy” character is a big source of your comedy. He’s your home-run hitter. Your big RBI guy. He’s gotta deliver.
I will say, however, there was one hilarious scene with Max where I couldn’t stop laughing. Kailin’s psycho boyfriend Garrett is chasing them in a car, and for the 20th consecutive hour accusing Kailin of cheating on him and giving (just because he’s the nearest guy to her) Max a blowjob. Kailin finally cracks and to piss him off, claims, YES, SHE DID GIVE HIM A BLOWJOB!! She starts miming the blow job for Garrett’s benefit, who’s mortified that his worst nightmares has come true. But then Max starts getting into the fake blowjob and starts directing her on what to do (“could you bite it a little?”). Kailin gets a little carried away and screams to Garrett that she sucked Andrew’s dick too, and is now miming a double blow job, which Andrew, who’s sitting in the back seat, starts feeling really uncomfortable by, and he’s telling her to stop. It was just a really funny scene and gave me hope that George does have comedy chops.
But all in all, this script needs to dig deeper on its choices. We’re like 2 or 3 choices down with a lot of these comedy bits. We need to go 6 or 7 choices down. But the good news is that the foundation is there. It’s a perfect comedy premise. That’s why I picked it. So I hope George figures it out in the next draft.
Script link: Dead Ahead
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: Try to match up your character’s biggest fear with the task at hand. For example, Andrew has a fear of dead bodies. So what does he have to do? Transport a dead body. There’s a side-tip to this though. Don’t bury that fear amongst a bunch of other fears, or else the fear becomes negligible. Andrew’s ALSO afraid of a million other things, so the fear of dead bodies doesn’t resonate with the audience. I’d suggest stripping away all those other fears, just focusing on the fear of dead bodies, and then mine that fear as much as possible (he has to move the dead body, touch the dead body, undress and re-dress the dead body, pretend he's the dead body, etc.).
Amateur Friday - Dead Ahead
Genre: Comedy
Premise: (actual logline sent) Two slackers get a job at a funeral home, but accidentally misplace the body of a distinguished senator and get wrapped up in a wild chase trying to find it in time for the funeral.
About: George Chatzigeorgiou, the writer, is from Greece. Yeah baby. Scriptshadow goes international today. -- Every Friday, I review a script from the readers of the site. If you’re interested in submitting your script for an Amateur Review, send it in PDF form, along with your title, genre, logline, and why I should read your script to Carsonreeves3@gmail.com. Keep in mind your script will be posted in the review (feel free to keep your identity and script title private by providing an alias and fake title).
Writer: George Chatzigeorgiou
Details: 104 pages
Yes, I’m a broken record. But I’m going to say it again.
Comedy is hard.
It’s really hard. And I think there’s a reason that even though comedy is the most reviewed genre on Amateur Fridays, no comedy scripts made it into the Amateur Top 5, and only 2 made it into the Top 11. Everybody tends to think they’re funnier than they actually are. I mean, I think I’m hilarious. But the other day when I cracked what I believed to be a 5 star knee-slapper at the Cleaners, I didn’t get so much as a smile from the cashier (my joke was that her shirt looked an awful lot like a shirt they had lost of mine a year ago). Of course I don’t think she spoke English, but you get the point. Most people tend to overestimate their FV (funniness value).
Combine that with the fact that it takes awhile to learn how to be funny within the confines of a screenplay, and you get a glut of comedy specs that elicit, at most, a couple of chuckles per 100 pages. I still don’t think there’s any worse reading experience than a comedy that isn’t funny. Because you realize it isn’t funny somewhere around page 7, but then still have to trudge through another 103 pages. Knowing that the primary purpose of the script is to make you laugh, and that it will never succeed at that…Well, it’s pretty depressing.
But a very good sign is if the logline itself has FV. And that’s what happened here. I was all set to review a script with a dinosaur in it (I’ll be reviewing that next week) until I read this logline and started laughing. Since that rarely happens, I had to read the script. So, with that said, did Dead Ahead live up to its logline? Or did it die a humorless death?
20-something Andrew Buchanan is a slacker. Doesn’t have a job. Doesn’t have ambition. Actually, he does want to be a comic book artist, but every chance he gets to show his work to his comic book idols, he chickens out.
There’s only one person who’s an even bigger slacker than Andrew, and that’s his friend Max. Max is the worst kind of slacker. The kind who actually works TO STAY a slacker. That’s right. He’s so lazy that he actually works his ass off so that he doesn’t have to work. See his father keeps setting up interviews for him, and in order to keep from getting hired, he blows into the interviews intentionally looking like a moron. That way he gets to keep surfing on daddy’s dime.
Anyway, Max’s dad has had enough. He bypasses the interview process and actually gets Max (and Andrew) a job at a funeral home. They’re both mortified, but they don’t have any choice but to take it. And to make matters worse, on the very first day of work, they’re assigned to transport a dead California senator’s body to Los Angeles for his funeral.
But when they stop off for a quick errand, the van disappears. They find out it’s been towed, hurry over to the local impound lot, pay to get their van back, but upon doing so, find out the body’s gone. Uh oh. This can’t be good. They do some digging and find out the Senator’s wife may have taken the body, but when they get to her, she says she has no idea what they’re talking about (and also seems decidedly blase about her husband’s death).
They follow the trail to the Senator’s mistress, who’s a few feet shallow of a cemetery plot, and find out she’s running around town with the senator. With the DEAD SENATOR. She’s so crazy she thinks he’s still alive. Somewhere in the midst of all this, the buddies meet super hot wanna be journalist Kailin, who has a really overbearing boyfriend, Garrett, who’s convinced she’s banging some guy with a bigger dick. Andrew instantly falls in love with Kailin, but has to fend off the always nearby Garrett.
Somewhere amongst all of this (and the reason Kailin joins them) is a USB flash drive that the Senator had on him before he died. There must be some really important information on that drive since everybody – including some unsavory criminal types – are looking for the body just as feverishly as our heroes. Somehow Andrew and Max will have to get it together, stop being such slackers, and get the dead Senator to Los Angeles in time for the funeral, and before this crazy cast of loonies stops them.
So what did I think of Dead Ahead? Well I thought there were some good things about it. Structurally, it’s near perfect. We have a clear goal – get the dead body from point A to point B. We have a ticking time bomb – get it there before the funeral. We have conflict – the worst possible guys for the job are in charge. We have obstacles - Criminal types/Evil boyfriends. We have characters with some depth – Andrew lacks courage and Max resists responsibility. So at the core I would say George really knew what he was doing.
However, I’m afraid to say I didn’t laugh that much. And I’m not sure why (but I have some ideas). One of the things that’s REALLY important in any script, but especially a formulaic comedy, is that the choices be unique. The reason being that the FORMULA aspect of your script is your constant. It’s the thing that makes it just like every other comedy, albeit necessary to focus the story. Therefore all the variables have to feel different in some way. Otherwise EVERYTHING is familiar. And that’s the problem here. The details feel too familiar. For example, it seems like every comedy writer is including the Eastern European thug character who speaks funny English. I’d actually read a similar character 2 hours prior to reading this in another comedy (I’ll be reviewing that script Monday).
The crazy mistress character dragging a dead body around had potential, but again, I’ve seen that before. In Weekend At Bernie’s and that John Candy movie (somebody help me out here). And the USB McGuffin also felt a little stale. I just feel like more chances needed to be taken. This comedy is way ahead of the pack due to George’s understanding of structure, but once you get the structure down, you have to take everything else to the next level. You’re never going to come up with something completely original. But if you can make each choice just a little different than what’s come before it, your movie will seem fresh. Take The Hangover for instance. I can’t remember any previous movie where a naked Chinese guy jumped out of a trunk. Or guys woke up in Vegas with a tiger in their bathroom. Or our main characters had to schlep around a baby (in this particular situation). All those little choices are what separate your movie from the rest.
Another thing I realized about these comedies is how dependent they are on the “crazy” character. If your crazy character isn’t pushing the envelope, isn’t nuts or super funny in some unique way, your script has an uphill battle. In The Hangover, Zach G. is responsible for like 70% of the funny shit in that movie. And the reason is, they’re constantly pushing the envelope with him. He ruffies his friends. He mimes a baby jacking itself off. He screams “I hate Godzilla” when a naked Chinese man comes near him. Max was fine in this movie. He had a few good lines. But not once did he push the envelope. Not once did he do something I’d never seen before. I just think the“crazy” character is a big source of your comedy. He’s your home-run hitter. Your big RBI guy. He’s gotta deliver.
I will say, however, there was one hilarious scene with Max where I couldn’t stop laughing. Kailin’s psycho boyfriend Garrett is chasing them in a car, and for the 20th consecutive hour accusing Kailin of cheating on him and giving (just because he’s the nearest guy to her) Max a blowjob. Kailin finally cracks and to piss him off, claims, YES, SHE DID GIVE HIM A BLOWJOB!! She starts miming the blow job for Garrett’s benefit, who’s mortified that his worst nightmares has come true. But then Max starts getting into the fake blowjob and starts directing her on what to do (“could you bite it a little?”). Kailin gets a little carried away and screams to Garrett that she sucked Andrew’s dick too, and is now miming a double blow job, which Andrew, who’s sitting in the back seat, starts feeling really uncomfortable by, and he’s telling her to stop. It was just a really funny scene and gave me hope that George does have comedy chops.
But all in all, this script needs to dig deeper on its choices. We’re like 2 or 3 choices down with a lot of these comedy bits. We need to go 6 or 7 choices down. But the good news is that the foundation is there. It’s a perfect comedy premise. That’s why I picked it. So I hope George figures it out in the next draft.
Script link: Dead Ahead
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: Try to match up your character’s biggest fear with the task at hand. For example, Andrew has a fear of dead bodies. So what does he have to do? Transport a dead body. There’s a side-tip to this though. Don’t bury that fear amongst a bunch of other fears, or else the fear becomes negligible. Andrew’s ALSO afraid of a million other things, so the fear of dead bodies doesn’t resonate with the audience. I’d suggest stripping away all those other fears, just focusing on the fear of dead bodies, and then mine that fear as much as possible (he has to move the dead body, touch the dead body, undress and re-dress the dead body, pretend he's the dead body, etc.).
Premise: (actual logline sent) Two slackers get a job at a funeral home, but accidentally misplace the body of a distinguished senator and get wrapped up in a wild chase trying to find it in time for the funeral.
About: George Chatzigeorgiou, the writer, is from Greece. Yeah baby. Scriptshadow goes international today. -- Every Friday, I review a script from the readers of the site. If you’re interested in submitting your script for an Amateur Review, send it in PDF form, along with your title, genre, logline, and why I should read your script to Carsonreeves3@gmail.com. Keep in mind your script will be posted in the review (feel free to keep your identity and script title private by providing an alias and fake title).
Writer: George Chatzigeorgiou
Details: 104 pages
Yes, I’m a broken record. But I’m going to say it again.
Comedy is hard.
It’s really hard. And I think there’s a reason that even though comedy is the most reviewed genre on Amateur Fridays, no comedy scripts made it into the Amateur Top 5, and only 2 made it into the Top 11. Everybody tends to think they’re funnier than they actually are. I mean, I think I’m hilarious. But the other day when I cracked what I believed to be a 5 star knee-slapper at the Cleaners, I didn’t get so much as a smile from the cashier (my joke was that her shirt looked an awful lot like a shirt they had lost of mine a year ago). Of course I don’t think she spoke English, but you get the point. Most people tend to overestimate their FV (funniness value).
Combine that with the fact that it takes awhile to learn how to be funny within the confines of a screenplay, and you get a glut of comedy specs that elicit, at most, a couple of chuckles per 100 pages. I still don’t think there’s any worse reading experience than a comedy that isn’t funny. Because you realize it isn’t funny somewhere around page 7, but then still have to trudge through another 103 pages. Knowing that the primary purpose of the script is to make you laugh, and that it will never succeed at that…Well, it’s pretty depressing.
But a very good sign is if the logline itself has FV. And that’s what happened here. I was all set to review a script with a dinosaur in it (I’ll be reviewing that next week) until I read this logline and started laughing. Since that rarely happens, I had to read the script. So, with that said, did Dead Ahead live up to its logline? Or did it die a humorless death?
20-something Andrew Buchanan is a slacker. Doesn’t have a job. Doesn’t have ambition. Actually, he does want to be a comic book artist, but every chance he gets to show his work to his comic book idols, he chickens out.
There’s only one person who’s an even bigger slacker than Andrew, and that’s his friend Max. Max is the worst kind of slacker. The kind who actually works TO STAY a slacker. That’s right. He’s so lazy that he actually works his ass off so that he doesn’t have to work. See his father keeps setting up interviews for him, and in order to keep from getting hired, he blows into the interviews intentionally looking like a moron. That way he gets to keep surfing on daddy’s dime.
Anyway, Max’s dad has had enough. He bypasses the interview process and actually gets Max (and Andrew) a job at a funeral home. They’re both mortified, but they don’t have any choice but to take it. And to make matters worse, on the very first day of work, they’re assigned to transport a dead California senator’s body to Los Angeles for his funeral.
But when they stop off for a quick errand, the van disappears. They find out it’s been towed, hurry over to the local impound lot, pay to get their van back, but upon doing so, find out the body’s gone. Uh oh. This can’t be good. They do some digging and find out the Senator’s wife may have taken the body, but when they get to her, she says she has no idea what they’re talking about (and also seems decidedly blase about her husband’s death).
They follow the trail to the Senator’s mistress, who’s a few feet shallow of a cemetery plot, and find out she’s running around town with the senator. With the DEAD SENATOR. She’s so crazy she thinks he’s still alive. Somewhere in the midst of all this, the buddies meet super hot wanna be journalist Kailin, who has a really overbearing boyfriend, Garrett, who’s convinced she’s banging some guy with a bigger dick. Andrew instantly falls in love with Kailin, but has to fend off the always nearby Garrett.
Somewhere amongst all of this (and the reason Kailin joins them) is a USB flash drive that the Senator had on him before he died. There must be some really important information on that drive since everybody – including some unsavory criminal types – are looking for the body just as feverishly as our heroes. Somehow Andrew and Max will have to get it together, stop being such slackers, and get the dead Senator to Los Angeles in time for the funeral, and before this crazy cast of loonies stops them.
So what did I think of Dead Ahead? Well I thought there were some good things about it. Structurally, it’s near perfect. We have a clear goal – get the dead body from point A to point B. We have a ticking time bomb – get it there before the funeral. We have conflict – the worst possible guys for the job are in charge. We have obstacles - Criminal types/Evil boyfriends. We have characters with some depth – Andrew lacks courage and Max resists responsibility. So at the core I would say George really knew what he was doing.
However, I’m afraid to say I didn’t laugh that much. And I’m not sure why (but I have some ideas). One of the things that’s REALLY important in any script, but especially a formulaic comedy, is that the choices be unique. The reason being that the FORMULA aspect of your script is your constant. It’s the thing that makes it just like every other comedy, albeit necessary to focus the story. Therefore all the variables have to feel different in some way. Otherwise EVERYTHING is familiar. And that’s the problem here. The details feel too familiar. For example, it seems like every comedy writer is including the Eastern European thug character who speaks funny English. I’d actually read a similar character 2 hours prior to reading this in another comedy (I’ll be reviewing that script Monday).
The crazy mistress character dragging a dead body around had potential, but again, I’ve seen that before. In Weekend At Bernie’s and that John Candy movie (somebody help me out here). And the USB McGuffin also felt a little stale. I just feel like more chances needed to be taken. This comedy is way ahead of the pack due to George’s understanding of structure, but once you get the structure down, you have to take everything else to the next level. You’re never going to come up with something completely original. But if you can make each choice just a little different than what’s come before it, your movie will seem fresh. Take The Hangover for instance. I can’t remember any previous movie where a naked Chinese guy jumped out of a trunk. Or guys woke up in Vegas with a tiger in their bathroom. Or our main characters had to schlep around a baby (in this particular situation). All those little choices are what separate your movie from the rest.
Another thing I realized about these comedies is how dependent they are on the “crazy” character. If your crazy character isn’t pushing the envelope, isn’t nuts or super funny in some unique way, your script has an uphill battle. In The Hangover, Zach G. is responsible for like 70% of the funny shit in that movie. And the reason is, they’re constantly pushing the envelope with him. He ruffies his friends. He mimes a baby jacking itself off. He screams “I hate Godzilla” when a naked Chinese man comes near him. Max was fine in this movie. He had a few good lines. But not once did he push the envelope. Not once did he do something I’d never seen before. I just think the“crazy” character is a big source of your comedy. He’s your home-run hitter. Your big RBI guy. He’s gotta deliver.
I will say, however, there was one hilarious scene with Max where I couldn’t stop laughing. Kailin’s psycho boyfriend Garrett is chasing them in a car, and for the 20th consecutive hour accusing Kailin of cheating on him and giving (just because he’s the nearest guy to her) Max a blowjob. Kailin finally cracks and to piss him off, claims, YES, SHE DID GIVE HIM A BLOWJOB!! She starts miming the blow job for Garrett’s benefit, who’s mortified that his worst nightmares has come true. But then Max starts getting into the fake blowjob and starts directing her on what to do (“could you bite it a little?”). Kailin gets a little carried away and screams to Garrett that she sucked Andrew’s dick too, and is now miming a double blow job, which Andrew, who’s sitting in the back seat, starts feeling really uncomfortable by, and he’s telling her to stop. It was just a really funny scene and gave me hope that George does have comedy chops.
But all in all, this script needs to dig deeper on its choices. We’re like 2 or 3 choices down with a lot of these comedy bits. We need to go 6 or 7 choices down. But the good news is that the foundation is there. It’s a perfect comedy premise. That’s why I picked it. So I hope George figures it out in the next draft.
Script link: Dead Ahead
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: Try to match up your character’s biggest fear with the task at hand. For example, Andrew has a fear of dead bodies. So what does he have to do? Transport a dead body. There’s a side-tip to this though. Don’t bury that fear amongst a bunch of other fears, or else the fear becomes negligible. Andrew’s ALSO afraid of a million other things, so the fear of dead bodies doesn’t resonate with the audience. I’d suggest stripping away all those other fears, just focusing on the fear of dead bodies, and then mine that fear as much as possible (he has to move the dead body, touch the dead body, undress and re-dress the dead body, pretend he's the dead body, etc.).
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